A Normal Regular Session With My Therapist Yeah!

I went to my therapist today and we had a normal, regular session – yeah!  No big stresses, no exposure therapies.  It was nice to have just a regular session and not work on anything deep.  For 3 weeks in a row we worked on this last trip I just came back from.  I leave again for another trip the end of May and we’ll need to work on that (a little earlier than this last one – I felt like 3 weeks was not enough time).  But we definitely need a little break.  She agreed.  Those exposure therapies are really hard for me.   Since the last 2 times we walked next door to the little store/restaurant I had accidents I told her I wanted to go again 2 more times before we do another exposure therapy walking over there.  Remember, last week I wet my pants before we even got there and a few months ago when we went I wet my pants on the way back.  I wanted some success before we’d try it again.  I even asked her if anyone saw last week because I’m so unaware of things when this happens.  And, if she saw anything.  She said no on both.   So I told her I wanted to go today just to walk over there, walk through a little (it’s not a very big store at all) and then come right back to her office.  I wanted to do this not having to go to the bathroom at all.  Then either later today or next week (we’ll do it next week) I want to walk over when I need to go to the bathroom but at the beginning.  So that I’ll be fine to walk over and come right back.  She thought it was an excellent idea.    When we got back she asked how that felt.  It was like, “Yes!” I did it.  It was perfectly fine.  I even had to ask an employee something for a friend of mine.  And, I saw someone I knew in there.  I don’t like that because I’m always afraid if something happens or if they want to talk a bit I wouldn’t know what to do especially having to have to go to the bathroom.  It’s not so much that I’m with my therapist.  They don’t have to know who she is.  I could just be with a friend.  But I saw this person from a distance and just said hi and waved.    I told her how, before the trip, I told her I was drinking more and waiting more but when I was with her I was not at all.  Probably because I’m so focused on the exposure therapy and that brings it on faster.  And we both agreed last week I waited to long to even go over there.  I came in having to go to the bathroom.  I also told her when we start back on these again I need to do some kind of relaxation – the tappers – or something.  I go way too quickly.   It’s amazing what my therapist lets me do.  It’s amazing what she does with me.  I need to count my lucky stars.  I didn’t say anything about feeling bad after I talked to her and that I think she could have made more efforts to contact me back on Monday.  I want to ask her again to do this on my next trip.  Maybe we should talk then about a plan what to do to reach each other better.  She already said she’ll call and leave a message on my cell again before I go to listen to anytime because she knows how helpful it was (not just bathroom stuff but the arguing and ignoring they did, too – really for just about anything).  I asked her how she’s feeling because we’ve been so focused on these trips I haven’t had the chance to ask.  She says good (she always says good and it makes me wonder).  She’s starting radiation the middle of April and before that she’s taking a little mini trip to see her brother and little nephews in Florida.  Good for her!   I showed her pictures of my trip and we talked about the trip.  It was very relaxing for a change – very nice!  Even when I had to tell her about my accidents it wasn’t too bad.  I used to be able to not even say the words.  Now I can talk freely – well, with her I can.  She commented how I made it further into the session than I usually do to have to go to the bathroom.  Why do I suppose?  I told her because I haven’t been drinking much.  Earlier I told her I was doing good with that and waiting longer, before the trip, but not on the trip.  I need to get back to that again.  And, I didn’t say but thinking about it I wasn’t stressed about doing those exposure therapies today so I think that attributed to me not having to go as quickly.   My husband & I went to see our little granddaughter tonight.  It breaks my heart.  I don’t think she likes it there and is having trouble getting adjusted and wants someone to spend the night with her all the time.  When I talked to her before I came she said, “You know what, Nana?  I don’t like this cool place because they make me take icky medicine.”  And there are kids with ventilators, one they were carrying around in a coma the other night and all sorts of things.  It’s so sad.  And it’s such a cool looking, state of the art place with so much for the kids to do.    It’s also hard for me to be there because I keep thinking of my best friend, who died of cancer, the play area & reading areas and plaques in her name.  It’s so, so sad and I wish she could see – she would love it with all the toys and such!  She can see – I know she can.  And then to top it off my granddaughter’s nurse is the same name as my best friend’s and they were calling it off & on.  I thought my best friend would just pop out and say, “Here I am.”  Of course she didn’t.