A New Year Moving Forward

Well here I am. Where do I for fr here & how will I travel my .new life's road.. I've heard all the stuff abt going thru the firsts, the diffifculties, the emotions, blah blah. I don't if there is a way to really describe it. I did find Christmas Eve just heart wrenching. I went to church. I thought I was good & that the comfort of being in that house with Pastor Martin & just everything that it would be good medicine. I was there a bit early so I could quietly meditate. He noticed me fr a distance so headed over. He put his hand on my shoulder for a bit & that set me off. Then every time they started another carol well there I'd go again. It just was too much for me somehow. I wonder where all those uncontrolled emotions kept coming fr. But I made it thru the service, I focused on the big picture of why I was there. But you know it was darn exhausting. Christmas day I was at my sisters & she fixed up her nice guest room for me & I spent the night. She just didn't want me to be alone. I realize now that it was the right thing for me to do. Don't know how I would of managed otherwise. New Yrs didn't seem to pull me down quite as much. I was here alone. I made myself a small pizza & watched some fav movies I had on the PVR. I still feel like I've just been going thru so many automatic movements & I'm not sure what I'm really feeling. I'm just not always connecting. But I stop & remind myself that at least I'm still trying.


Christmas day we had a whopper of snow storm start in the afternoon. It was a Colorado low & boy did it dump on us. Took the city a bit to get that cleaned up I tell ya. We've got snow almost up to our eye balls & if it keeps up I'm thinking the city will run out of places to clear & dump it to. But us hardy Manitobans do manage to band together & beat it.


Physically I'm not sure how I'm doing. I'm still having issues overall diet wise. I'm in the trap of always thinking OK, mild to moderate kidney disease, what is good to eat, whats not good to eat etc. etc. I'm not quite at peace with this new facet of my health. I'm almost paranoid be focusing on my kidneys. I realize I have to reset myself. So on that note I'm starting yoga again on Jan 12th. It will be slow at first but at least I'm going to try my best. I try a half hr stretch & strength class a few wks ago & it was way more tiring then I thought & it made me realize that my return to fitness will be in baby steps.


So I guess I'll go for now. A new yr, hopefully a newer me & I promise to keep in closer contact with you all\ Well here I am. Where do I for fr here & how will I travel my .new life's road.. I've heard all the stuff abt going thru the firsts, the diffifculties, the emotions, blah blah. I don't if there is a way to really describe it. I did find Christmas Eve just heart wrenching. I went to church. I thought I was good & that the comfort of being in that house with Pastor Martin & just everything that it would be good medicine. I was there a bit early so I could quietly meditate. He noticed me fr a distance so headed over. He put his hand on my shoulder for a bit & that set me off. Then every time they started another carol well there I'd go again. It just was too much for me somehow. I wonder where all those uncontrolled emotions kept coming fr. But I made it thru the service, I focused on the big picture of why I was there. But you know it was darn exhausting. Christmas day I was at my sisters & she fixed up her nice guest room for me & I spent the night. She just didn't want me to be alone. I realize now that it was the right thing for me to do. Don't know how I would of managed otherwise. New Yrs didn't seem to pull me down quite as much. I was here alone. I made myself a small pizza & watched some fav movies I had on the PVR. I still feel like I've just been going thru so many automatic movements & I'm not sure what I'm really feeling. I'm just not always connecting. But I stop & remind myself that at least I'm still trying.


Christmas day we had a whopper of snow storm start in the afternoon. It was a Colorado low & boy did it dump on us. Took the city a bit to get that cleaned up I tell ya. We've got snow almost up to our eye balls & if it keeps up I'm thinking the city will run out of places to clear & dump it to. But us hardy Manitobans do manage to band together & beat it.


Physically I'm not sure how I'm doing. I'm still having issues overall diet wise. I'm in the trap of always thinking OK, mild to moderate kidney disease, what is good to eat, whats not good to eat etc. etc. I'm not quite at peace with this new facet of my health. I'm almost paranoid be focusing on my kidneys. I realize I have to reset myself. So on that note I'm starting yoga again on Jan 12th. It will be slow at first but at least I'm going to try my best. I try a half hr stretch & strength class a few wks ago & it was way more tiring then I thought & it made me realize that my return to fitness will be in baby steps.


So I guess I'll go for now. A new yr, hopefully a newer me & I promise to keep in closer contact with you all\


Replies

mechellebelle
mechellebelle

Hello!

I have been wanting to call you! I wish Christmas had been situated so that I could call. I was at my parents with bad cell coverage and no privacy. And a crazy schedule! When we got back I was so tired from a month of crazy activity that I sort of spaced out about everything.

You have been on my mind at random moments, though. LIke while assembling raw chicken to bake or taking the dog out in the rain, when calling isn't ideal. This brain fog just takes over. I prayed for peace for you and I hope you felt some peace through the auto-pilot you described. Auto pilot can be better than other things, though, right?

While at my mil and fil's funeral I had exactly the same emotional responses that you did. Hymns were almost impossible to get through. The beauty and meaning of them would just over come me and I just gave up and listened instead. It is exhausting for sure.

I agree that being with family is probably the best thing you could have done. So that was a choice well made. : ) Family can be hard, even in the best times. I hope it was enjoyable in some ways, though.

We can start anew in yoga together this month. I messed up my back and it is not liking yoga so it is baby steps for me too. I hope you can find a good balance with your diet and your kidneys. I'm sure it is a challenge but if anyone can master it, I know you can.

Praying for a peaceful and calm year for you (and a hoarding free one ; )
xoxo, m
Rusters
Rusters

Hi Kitty, so congrats on many many fronts, my dear friend: you went to church, you got through it okay, you stayed with your sister for Christmas (so nice), you got to have a nice quiet NYE with your fav. movies (that's always good for the soul), you're starting yoga, which you love, again. So proud of you as holidays are tough times for most of us without our family around.... umm, hoarding free? Well, I am planning to continue to purge (while DH is away), at least my stuff, as I do tend to accumulate 'stuff' too.... love and hugs, friend. Looking forward to seeing you around the DS hood some more, I login most evenings to check up on my 14 friends :) xo