A new year and trust that I am equiped for everything thrown my way..hopefully good things
Happy new year!
I’m leaving all of the hurt from 2011 behind me and moving forward. I truly believe that this new year is connected to my healing. God knows exactly what I need to be healed. What I will take with me from 2011 is the learning experience from my miscarriage and that is to value life even more.
One of my best friends that I talk to regularly is not married and is in a relationship that’s off and on. She’s in her early 30s no children and has a secure job (damn biological clock). She knew about the first miscarriage but not the second. Ironically enough, all she can talk about now is stop taking birth control and getting pregnant. Not what I need to here now…I think she would make a great mother, but of all people wanting a baby now I’m surprise is her. It took me by surprise. She would be my outlet to talk about other things, our conversations would seem safe. I’m not just at a point in my life now to celebrate in someone else’s baby experiences I am still healing. So in the midst of her talking about getting pregnant, I have to deal with my issues of finding out why I’ve not been able to carry and trying again. Knowing my luck, she will be one of those women whenever she sneeze get pregnant. If she has a baby before me, I hope it doesn’t affect our friendship and God gives me the strength to be supportive and happy for her. I would want her to celebrate in the birth of my children, and the advantage that she will have is that she has been fortunate to not have experienced two miscarriages and have to pretend to be happy for other expecting friends. Experiencing two miscarriages and waiting on a healthy baby hurts like hell. It is one of the biggest test of my life. But what gives me hope is that this too shall pass..
I’m leaving all of the hurt from 2011 behind me and moving forward. I truly believe that this new year is connected to my healing. God knows exactly what I need to be healed. What I will take with me from 2011 is the learning experience from my miscarriage and that is to value life even more.
One of my best friends that I talk to regularly is not married and is in a relationship that’s off and on. She’s in her early 30s no children and has a secure job (damn biological clock). She knew about the first miscarriage but not the second. Ironically enough, all she can talk about now is stop taking birth control and getting pregnant. Not what I need to here now…I think she would make a great mother, but of all people wanting a baby now I’m surprise is her. It took me by surprise. She would be my outlet to talk about other things, our conversations would seem safe. I’m not just at a point in my life now to celebrate in someone else’s baby experiences I am still healing. So in the midst of her talking about getting pregnant, I have to deal with my issues of finding out why I’ve not been able to carry and trying again. Knowing my luck, she will be one of those women whenever she sneeze get pregnant. If she has a baby before me, I hope it doesn’t affect our friendship and God gives me the strength to be supportive and happy for her. I would want her to celebrate in the birth of my children, and the advantage that she will have is that she has been fortunate to not have experienced two miscarriages and have to pretend to be happy for other expecting friends. Experiencing two miscarriages and waiting on a healthy baby hurts like hell. It is one of the biggest test of my life. But what gives me hope is that this too shall pass..
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Afterthought: This is really a humbling experience for me. But I thank God for being there for me in me at my lowest. During this season of loss, I have been spending much needed time with God.