A new Way to Live
No one is wrong in their thoughts of dealing with our child or children who has left us way beyond their time. And I still want answers that I know will never come. As i have been in this group since 2010 and thankful for each one that has helped me through one of the wrost journies we as mom's will ever endure I know that there is a saying used and I can not say it exact something like a "New way orA "new life". Sorry but as I would read those who made that their way of dealing I never felt I fit in that thought frame. I never wanted a "new" way of doing things without my Ken. And new I could never make that step. What i have come to realize for me. I will never live a new way. I will always live with knowing Ken will be in my life and I will continue to miss him each step I take. Even though I do not cry as ofteN I could. The pain is just as fresh as it was that Dec 30,2009. It is others that forced me to put Ken on hold not me. I know he is and always is forefront in my thoughts no matter where I am or what I doing. I cry but now I cry mostly to myself. Why no one wants to hear it. It is sad that others do not share your pain. Not as deep but to understand your child is always there. No there are no answers to why. Yet I want to know. When i see Ken again it will not matter. So my life has continued to feel the pain and yes still go through wearing the mask. Life for me will always be a pretending that somehow I have moved forward. I know I have not moved forwared only I let others think I have so they do not see my pain. Is it fair. I guess he was my son, my son to miss. I had feelings that others could not relate so I continue to wear my mask cry when I am alone and at times wonder how can others forget. Yet i understand...and yet it hurts...but it is a road I travel alone. Until one day it will all be alright. Till then I walk this road by myself and the pain I feel I only share here. Love and miss you Ken forever your mom.
Replies
Oh Sandi, I can so feel your sorrow in what you have written. No one will every know or understand how you feel with the loss of your son Ken, even here we can relate but all the things you miss as you said are yours to miss and I know it feels alone. I feel much the same so many days, but know we are here for you and I am glad you shared with us. Insure you take care of yourself and do not be afraid to share your grief. Much peace and comfort to you. A huge hug. Lynette
Many of us hide our pain because others expect us to have moved on. It is not fair. We should be able to express our sorrow.
Tight hugs,
Terry
Your relationship and love for Ken is unique. No others can understand or feel how you feel about him. That deep longing and loving for your son continues which most people don\'t get. In fact they are uncomfortable if we express our feelings. That\'s what is so comforting here, because we too feel how you do about the loss of our precious child. Sending you tender hugs, Debbie
It is a long hard road to travel. I have learned to laugh again. NEVER will forget, the pain or his life. Boy do I talk to him alot and sometimes expect an answer. I cannot say life is new but it is differant and difficult. Like you know people do not understand their words hurt even it they think they help. That is my life ........
Tight Hugs Penny
My friend and I were chatting. She referred to our new normal. My new normal is living with pain and longing. I can laugh and enjoy friends but Lisa is always nearby.
Hang in. Love and hugs, Marlene