"A New Group"
Well, no one ever said that grieving was easy. And grieving in a group setting is even more difficult it would seem. Over the last couple of days, there has been a great deal of petty squabbling, bickering, and childishness on display on the Widows & Widowers bereavement group.
For a little background, there are a couple of members who continue to spar with one another over any and every issue that they participate in. Their dislike for one another is well known within the group. Like youngsters in school, other members take sides with the person they choose to agree with. When an altercation ensues, there are a few others that jump into the fray, and stir up the whole pot. Feelings get hurt, spiteful comments are made, and friendships are ruined.
The other day, a discussion was initiated called “To thoses that don't believe”(sic). The poster suggested that he was unable to pose questions and receive answers regarding his grief experience as an atheist. He went so far as to say that some of the responses to his questions “in some ways made things worse”. He floated the idea of forming a new W&W group for non-believers. A flood of posts, (115) have ensued, and the controversy exploded.
My initial input was to simply state that my faith was reborn in coincidence with my wife's illness and her passing. I indicated that I felt everyone's input was welcome and that the poster should remain in the group. When the posting became one of a theological debate, I examined the structure of DS and discovered that it is not a faith based organization, per se. That being said, I concluded that for those of us who needed to openly discuss our faith in a group, WE should form a sub-group specifically for a faith based perspective on grieving.
I founded a sub group of Widows and Widowers that I labeled “Widows & Widowers of Faith”, and I invited people who had “friended” me at DS to join. I also posted a notice for the new group, inviting EVERYONE to join. I never suggested that anyone leave the main W&W Group. I immediately received a personal message attacking me for having formed the new group. The same person then attacked me and ridiculed me in the discussion thread announcing this group. Many people supported me, and several were critical of me. Many were just exasperated by the whole thing. But the group is up and running and currently has 24 members.
When I woke up this morning and visited the DS site, I was saddened to read where my posting of a Christian Flag at the top of the new group had drawn scorn and ridicule. I acknowledged my insensitivity and changed the flag to the American Flag. I explained that the American Flag is a symbol of the melting pot that is America, and that we are inclusive and NOT exclusive. I also indicated that, while DS is not faith based, it is an American company and web site. I acknowledged that I was aware that there were many good people posting at DS who are of a different nationality, but that they are most welcome to join us in the spirit of freedom to worship. I now have been taken to task for using the American Flag to herald the group.
I find the pettiness and vitriol over this whole affair to be utterly repugnant and distasteful. My only motivation in establishing a new group was to help remove the controversy and ease the hurt feelings that exist within the confines of Widows & Widowers. There are many sub groups of W&W currently in existence. It is so very strange that one based upon faith would be so controversial. But, then again, people of faith have been mocked and ridiculed since the beginning of time, haven't they?
In conclusion, I would once again extend an invitation to anyone of any faith or no faith at all; from any nation or any place of residence in the universe, to join us in pursuing our healing with the benefit of a being that is greater than ourselves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTXufk4ig4Q
Family Of ManThis tired city was somebody's dreamBillboard horizons as black as they seemFour level highways across the landWe're building a home for the family of manAnd it's so hard whatever we are coming toYes it's so hard with so little timeAnd so much to doTime running out for the family of manOne man to lead us with so much to sayMoving the mountains that got in our wayPrayer books and meetings to find a planDeciding the fate of the family of manMemories replacing the loves that we've lostBurning our bridges as soon as they're crossedFactories built where the rivers ranAnd time running out for the family of man
Replies
My Gran used to tell me:You can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can\'t please all of the people all of the time. You\'ve done what you felt was needed....if God is in it, it will work....and I believe He is....
Blessings & Hugs ~E~....and for what it\'s worth, I thought of doing the same thing....but apparently you and your pc are quicker than me & mine...lol...
PS...I would have joined without the personal invitation, but thank you for extending it....
What is that saying? You can please some of the people all of the time or all of the people some of the time..you will never please everyone. I looked through the many discussion groups throught Daily Strength and there isn\'t one that has and religious theme.
In the newness of your closer walk with the Lord you are filled with passion. I considered your new group wondering if it should be connected with our loss and relationship with God or perhaps a site to just share our faith as believers in a greater power which would include all religions and satisify all needs of those to share in their beliefs.
I too am new in my walk with God and my knowledge is fresh and growing. My daughter has an AA in minstry and really knows her bible, knowing this I am apprehensive to get in too deep with scripture, I just know that I stand strong in my faith and trust in God and my belief that there is a God.
The widow and widower site has helped me cope with my loss not because people profess their faith and proclaim that they have survived because of it..which many have...but rather that here I am not alone, I can share with others the feelings that grief contributes to our lives now in this loss. I share with others knowing that what I am going through so have they and I am normal. I read the progress of others and gain hope and as long as I have been here, I read my early postings and know I have made progress.
Creating a group for those of faith and belief is fine, no problem, it is any division that is sad because should all who have faith leave this site it will be missing the opinions, encouragement and guidance of some very wise people. This will hurt the new members who so need what they have to offer. Considering it a W&W site for those of faith can confuse the issue for them.
I know your heart is in the right place with this, it is too bad that this issue causes the problems it does. I know Fish was just reaching out, he wasn\'t discounting our beliefs but was frustrated perhaps at his lack of belief. I am amazed at some who have gone through so much hell and have retained their faith, it was strong in the first place. We are not all of like minds but I don\'t believe there are true athiests (did I spell that right?) I think one has to consider that they just might be wrong..maybe not, maybe I am.
I wish you the very best with your site, It is a great open door.
Hugs Linda
Hey, Onmyown..great minds think alike
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Sorry for the goof....you would think in the three years I\'ve been posting I would have learned how!! At any rate, you did what you did with honorable intentions and you know that. Leave the rest to whoever wants to continue debating it. I personally thank you and even Mark (acurious fish) for being honest with his feelings. Feelings are not explainable or blame-able if there is such a word. My advise is to be true to yourself and let the rest go it\'s own way. Thanks. Sharon
Looks like you\'ve left one hornet\'s nest for another Joe.Please be thick skinned & don\'t let the malcontents get you down.The progress and grief processes you have already been thru are helping you personally heal from your tragedy.Those ridiculous,petty,vitriolic sadists need their own site-where they can fuss @ one another to their hearts\' content.Be strong & find peace with the rational folks in the group.HUGs.
Is it my growing age that leads me to not understand some of this stuff I hear about?
I have been so fortunate with my two support groups and I don\'t think I would be on them if they weren\'t respectful(utterly) and inclusive and welcoming. We are all hurting so much that any more hurt would drive me and I suspect many right off the site. I am just sorry that those suffering the loss of a spouse would add any more to the hugh pile of sorrow and pain, anger, fear, doubt and who knows what all else one deals with when life is turned upside down with that loss.
I mean I have bad days, I can be mean I can be a lot less than i would like to be more often than I would like to be, but this stuff is NOT OK...I\'d say that if I was there I would try to distance myself from it.
Your journey is inspiring....let those who would be disdainful or hurtful form their own group.....
I am not offended by the American flag (even though I am not an American) My husband died for it.
Life is too short to even \"go there\" Some people have nothing better than to create problems. I think this site is a great idea, and I plan to use both. I don\'t really post anything, except on my journal, so I had no idea, all of this was going on. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and sometimes, it\'s best to keep those opinions to themselves. I\'m glad you invited me to join, and I hope the evil stays out.