A new birth...

It takes 9 months for a child to be born; to fully develop and enter this world where everything is a leaning process each day. And when a new born arrives everyone is full of joy; specially the parents. Yet it's ironic that today I have lived 9 months without you baby and every day without you feels terrible. Yet, just as a fetus who is developing I have also been able to develop and grow. Today I can tell you that I'm the women you always new was in me.  I'm stronger and wiser. I been able to embrace and treasure every minute we were together.  Each day I learned so much from you. It's crazy but all the time when I thought I wasn't paying attention to you my brain was. And thanks for this brain and your words I have been able to live with our kids.  We do our best and enjoy life the best we can. I been able to celebrate Thanks Giving, decorate for Christmas, make a wish as a family in New Years Eve like old times and travel to Arizona. I been able to accomplish all the things you loved doing with us. I been able to accomplish each one of these goals thanks to you.
Thanks to our conversations we had throughout our 18 years married.  But most of all to our last week together. I know that there is no way you knew that a car was going to hit you heads on and that you were going to loose your life on your 39th birthday.  But for some odd reason I strongly feel that you knew deep inside. You prepared me and our kids. You said goodbye to us a day before you left us. Our last weekend together as a family was wonderful baby. We all had fun, we were so happy. You were happy and you knew how much we all loved you. I'm sorry you had to go. I'm sorry you can't be here with us. I'm sorry your time ran out and you had to go. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you or to pray to God to let you stay. I'm sorry that on your last minutes of your life you asked for help and no one came. I'm sorry you were the last to received help in the accident. I'm sorry life didn't gave you a chance to fight for your life. And I'm sorry I wasn't there to say I love you back and I will always love you too...
You always believed in me, you always new that despite everything I would be okay. You always compared my character to a palm tree. You would say "no matter what comes: wind,water, sun, or anything the palm tree will bend but will never brake". Then you went ahead and planted a beautiful palm trees in our from yard and you said "this one is you and the other one is our love". Since you left the palm trees have grown. The trunks are thicker, stronger and there so beautiful. Thank you for baby, for planting the palm trees; when I'm at my hardest days I go out and look at our love tree and see it grow. I may not have you physically but I can feel your love-so strong. When you left I thought everything was gone: our love, my life, our dreams, our hopes and goals. But during these 9 months I been able to develop unknown qualities in me. And as much as it hurts to acknowledge, I was wrong. Yes, baby I was wrong and you were right. You still keep on helping me and being there for me and our kids. Thank you punkin. 
  Today makes 9 months and today I can say a new me has been born. I loved my old self but God had other plans for me. Today I begin to learn how to live, to learn how to walk alone, to think and speak better: wiser and optimistic toward the future and to be the women you helped to become. I promise to always love you. To treasure you in my heart like a diamond and to honor your life by embracing life. I promise to finish our mission as parents and using your legacy to bring positive results in our children lives. I promise to take lots of pictures on all our milestones and pay close attention to everything so that when were together again we can share all those great moments together. Thank you for the signs you send us and please if you could send us more, I would deeply appreciated them. You don't bother me so keep them coming baby.. I miss you punkin.... I love you....