A new beginnning....
Today is the day I see the divorce lawyer - is like a nightmare but at the same time I feel like I'm moving forward and not stuck hoping for things to get better. Never in a millon years I would have thought that I would be a divorce single mother. The journey has been long and painful, many tears shed, lots of sleepless nights and I'm sure many more to come but less and less in betwen. I feel emotionally ready but then other worries drowned my mind - I'm scared of the future, raising my children as a single mother (my stbx is in the miitary so it is harder to have joint custody and for him to be involved in the kids lifes), making mistakes as a mother, life changes and challenges, not been able to keep lifestyle that we have for my children, financial difficulties, even though I do work and I would get child support is not the same having 2 full incomes to depend on child support and one income, moving, settling on a new home, leaving behind the life I've been leaving for the past 11 yrs.
I've been alone before, since my stbx is in the military, but knowing that he is not coming back and is just going to be me and the kids permanently is a scary thought. Right now the future scares me - I do have faith that things are going to be ok but is also going to be a long road - when does it stop? when can I stop and breath and enjoy my life? I am breathing and I'm enjoying part of my life but I want to be 100% happy and fully enjoy my life.
Even though we took this decision, which is painful, Im scared how am I going to react when I see him with another woman - I know we both are going to rebuilt our lives but it is difficult imagining him with another family that is not ours.
I read a lot that things to get better and I now believe that they do - I just hope that the adage of "Time heals all wounds" is also true.
I've been alone before, since my stbx is in the military, but knowing that he is not coming back and is just going to be me and the kids permanently is a scary thought. Right now the future scares me - I do have faith that things are going to be ok but is also going to be a long road - when does it stop? when can I stop and breath and enjoy my life? I am breathing and I'm enjoying part of my life but I want to be 100% happy and fully enjoy my life.
Even though we took this decision, which is painful, Im scared how am I going to react when I see him with another woman - I know we both are going to rebuilt our lives but it is difficult imagining him with another family that is not ours.
I read a lot that things to get better and I now believe that they do - I just hope that the adage of "Time heals all wounds" is also true.
Replies
I know just how you feel. I keep wondering all the same stuff. I wish someone had the answers. I know I don\'t. Hugs to you!
I so can relate to all you are saying..I too am in the same position though my husband is now retired military..I wish you all the best and am sorry you are going through this..we will somehow get through it...somehow we will! hugs!
@ hope -thanks for the support!!!
@ just - u understand how tough military life is and we will get through it! Hugs to u and lets keep our heads up!
It is one of the most difficult ways to leave active military life, through divorce, due to the nomad way of military living. Even retired military, due to the changes in what normal becomes. Stay strong, you are doing wonderful! What does get better, gets better due to your view of the situation. You can not change the other person\'s view, however, you can change how you look at it, and you\'re doing it. Sorry for the change happening this way, the best is yet to be! When you see him with a new person, put a positive picture up of your relationship with in your mind, use that to help keep your smile genuine instead of pasted, and you\'ll see a tremendous difference in the way you are feeling. It does take practice in front of the mirror to do it, though, so practice, practice, practice! Please know you are not alone.
a mideye again so full of wisdom and good advise!!! It is recent so I can\'t say yet that I would smile when I see him with another woman but people do change and I\'m hoping to see that change in me.
That is why I\'m saying, practice, practice, practice, now, even while this is fresh in your heart, soul, spirit, and brain. It really does make a huge impact. I remember how surprised everyone was when I went to the wedding of the year, alone, and faced the couple. It was worth all the agony through the months I practiced. You are already changing!