A mixed day

Started today in a very anxious state, at the moment I'm finding the waking up in the morning difficult. It's not that I want to stay in bed, it's just knowing that when I wake up I usually experience anxiety. I don't really know why to be exact, perhaps I'm worried about the future? I asked my landlord in the morning for a lift down to my doctors practice, I had made an appointment previous to this, so this was a routine visit. I was shaky and had butterflies in my stomach the whole time I left and waited in the clinic.   I pretty much told my GP how anxious I was, and asked him to refer me for some CBT at the FRIEND organisation. He did agree to all those, but told me he wouldn't prescribe me any more diazapam. It was good in a way because I know they can be addictive, I havn't taken any at all today, and will reserve the tablets just in case I have a panic attack. He did make a point of giving me an appointment to have a blood taken for a full screening, because I have complained of being thirsty all the time.  I also didn't ask the doc about extending my sickness period, perhaps I should have done, I don't know because I do want to go back to working in some capacity, I just don't know when. I will leave the matter rest till the begining of July as my sickness note ends then and see if I'm capable.  I left the clinic with mixed feelings, but knowing that although I have no benz and no note, it was probably the right decision.  Later in the day I felt I should go for a walk with a local group of walkers called the North Somerset Strollers, I found the information about them on a web site, but I guess I should have expected some thing like this, but I went along all the same, and there was me thinking that perhaps there would be people of my own age range there. I was mistaken and perhaps I should have realised that, they were all OAPs over 60's not that I'm ageist or anything it just didn't feel right, and I didn't end up walking with them, I felt like an outcast, and that I should have found some other activity with people my own age. I signed up for it when there was a few people there, but left before it was time to go walking.  It's just very hard, I want to make new friends, but just don't know how. I walked home, I could have waited for public transport, but decided I might as well get some exercise out of it.   Today wasn't all bad I managed to have a go at the e-couch website, here and I've started using the Living Life to the Full site here. Both of these seem to take the CBT approach to things, which is claimed by many to be equally effective at beating depression as conventional anti-depressant medication.  I have spent a few hours which each course, but have overdone it slightly today and spent perhaps to much time obsessing with 'depression',  what I will try and do before bed is play some games, and think of other things other than how life is bad for me. All and all a mixed day. Tomorrow sees me at the Anti-coagulation clinic for more blood tests, I write back with tomorrows results, and INR.