a mess again

so tired of being an emotional wreck. im so sensitive and blowing yet another relationship. been only 2and half months although have known her for ten years. was ready change my whole life and pack the damn uhaul and sitting here crying cause she dont wanna come spend my day off with me. get over it girl. i think im just scared and freaking out all the time cause i feel so much and scared of change but i have been alone for 11 years and feel i deserve happiness but scared how it will affect my children. so yes im a hot mess and making a mess of my relationship. so here i sit on my day off crying like a little girl cause im scared shitless. ugh so wish was a man