A meltdown
Yesterday was a down day. I didn't realize it until we were on our way to the Sleep Clinic to buy a new mask. On the way, I thought about the time I had an appointment that I had made a year prior (not my idea - I recall saying that I had no idea what I would be doing in a year"). What I was doing was grieving the loss of Lisa. That appointment was January 2010. I have not been able to reschedule. But I did need a new mask and headgear.
Joe was driving when I just started crying. He always gets concerned and wants to make it better. I tried to reassure him that I was okay. But when we got there, I could not go in. He did my shopping for me. There are just some things that are triggers I guess.
I am feeling a bit better today. The last of our house guests left yesterday so we will have a week or so of what passes for normal in our house.
Lisa: I miss you so much it still hurts. I enjoyed my time with Cevyn. She is such a beautiful young woman. I can't believe she is 16 and has her learners permit!! I miss you always and love you forever.
Joe was driving when I just started crying. He always gets concerned and wants to make it better. I tried to reassure him that I was okay. But when we got there, I could not go in. He did my shopping for me. There are just some things that are triggers I guess.
I am feeling a bit better today. The last of our house guests left yesterday so we will have a week or so of what passes for normal in our house.
Lisa: I miss you so much it still hurts. I enjoyed my time with Cevyn. She is such a beautiful young woman. I can't believe she is 16 and has her learners permit!! I miss you always and love you forever.
Replies
Triggers got much easier over time. There was also the \"Fatigue Factor\" that was a big influence on how severe the reaction would be. It was always important to not overdo...especially early on. Your hubby sounds like a real gem...! Love, Donna
Oh Marlene, I am so sorry the last couple of days have been so hard. As Donna said maybe you were worn out due to the holidays, company (even as good as that is) and maybe a let down after dear Cevyn left? Its ok...day by day we get a bit stronger, maybe backslide a bit but we get up quicker as we heal. It is true that losing a child changes your life forever but I am proud of you for all you do for others in your work, for Cevyn, for Joe and Andrew, for your sisters here. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, two steps back though, doesn\'t it? Although I think the reality is most of us here at FMO are doing amazingly well. I wish you and your sweet hubby a peaceful night. Love to you and Lisa, Linda
Tight, tight hugs my sweet friend. I so understand how sneaky some triggers can be.
Love to you!
Love to Lisa!
Our health, our very lives, depend on our using masks and head gear, properly fitted. Please, Marlene, guard your health. I need you, your husband, your granddaughter, many friends, take great care of yourself. Low or High, we owe it to use our masks all night, every night. love, Abby
When it hits, we need to cry and get it out. Cry if you want to or need to. I feel we have earned it, the right to have a good cry and not feel guilty for it. I had a good one today after my little Raegan left. Maybe it\'s the letdown of the holidays or the New Year. Take good care of yourself. Hugs and peace...to you and Lisa and Cevyn.
Boy, we just never know what will \"trigger\" a melt down. I personally, am so glad the holidays are over. The memories are all of past holidays, with our children. I don\'t think anything will ever be the same, but we must go on.
I hope your pain has eased and the meltdown was a release for your stress.
Remember Marlene, one day at a time. That is all we can do for now and it is enough...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
I still start to cry just \'cause I have not done so in a while. This is what we do so let the tears flow, it is a cleansing of the soul. As a fellow sleep apnea fan keep up on your stuff, sleep is much needed to deal with grief.
tight hugs Penny