A LOT has happened in the last few years, or so
It's been years since I wrote on here. My only excuse is very simple, " LIFE ". I've been so distracted by so many different chaotic things going on in my life, that I haven't had five minutes to stop and think about doing something for myself and my peace of mind.
In 2012 I ended up in a nursing home / rehab place for physical therapy to learn to walk again, because of several falls I had that year that ended me up in the hospital. The last fall I had that year I ended up in bed for two weeks straight - not getting up at all, and after that I couldn't walk at all !
So the hospital sent me straight to a nursing home / rehab place for physical therapy to learn how to walk again. It took me a total of 10 months out of the 12 that year to finally graduate from physical therapy, and be out of there for good !
I had to stay at my parents' home for a few months at first so I could find a new apartment for myself. I had lost my last apartment since I couldn't pay my rent, and pay the nursing home / rehab place at the same time.
Finally after about 3 months, or so, I found a new apartment, and moved out of my parents' house.
I was so happy to be on my own again.
It wasn't easy since I had to figure out ways to do everything on my own, despite my mobility issues. But at least I was able to walk a little bit with my walker, and I had my manual wheelchair too to use whenever I needed it.
I managed, and I was content. It was wonderful having complete privacy again, since of course at my parents' house I had little to NO privacy sometimes.
At first I was simply content to be on my own again, but eventually the solitude started to get to me.
The ironic thing is that when I was in the nursing home / rehab place I had friends to talk to in person everyday, and that made being there a lot more tolerable. Now being on my own again I had no one. I was completely alone. Sure I've always had a small group of friends online that I chat with every now and then, but that's not the same as talking to someone in person. I started to long for face to face contact again.
As a result of this longing, and loneliness, I resorted to trying out a few free online dating sites to try to make a romantic connection.
Why I thought this would turn out successful, I don't know.
The thing was this was my " only " option as far as meeting someone in person, since I haven't owned a car, or driven, since 2004.
You always see those commercials that swear that it worked for " them ".
Yeah right ! BULL ! LOL !
What I found out very quickly was the at least 85 % of the men on those sites were only after one thing... SEX !
Whenever I tried to explain to them that that was not what I was looking, they would either insult me, or " pretend " that was NOT what they were looking for, but then turn around and later on show me by their actions that they LIED !
So in a word it was a complete FAILURE !
I was still left completely alone, and longing for companionship.
For others they would have their family members to talk to, but I've never had that. I have 2 older sisters, and 1 older brother, but I've only ever been kind of close to one sister. Even with the one sister, she's not always available to talk to, and many times makes me feel like I'm bothering her when I call her. Whether he attitude is on purpose, or not, I don't know.
I used to have one niece that I thought I was close to, but she's proved to be emotionally unstable and as a result now she won't even talk to me at all. It hurts me to the core that she's like that, when I know I didn't do anything to deserve it. Sometimes though people will feel however they'll feel, and there's nothing we can do about it. No one can control another person's feelings, no matter how much they wish they could.
To skip ahead to present day... Right now a month ago, or so, I took an ex-bf back to live with me. I love him very much, but I'm still trying to decide if I truly made the right decision, or not. I hope that I did, because I want him and I to work out for good this time. The only thing is everyone - pretty much all of my friends - tell me the same thing, that an ex is an ex for a reason, and you should never take them back.
Since I've already taken him back, it's too late for their advice now.
Now I suppose I need to bide my time, and see if time will tell on how well this will go, or not.
It's felt like an " uphill battle " since he got here July 3 rd, 2015, but I'm still hopeful that things will get better. After all we were apart for a very very long time, and it's bound to take time for us to adjust to being together once again. That would seem only natural to me.
My Mom is worse than ever with her Parkinson's disease, and my Dad struggles every day and night trying his best to take care of her at home. He has a home health care aid that comes part-time, but he really needs more help than that. He simply can't afford more help. I wish I was physically able to help him, and of course had a car to drive over there to go help them.
Between worrying every day about my parents - especially my Mom, and worrying about whether, or not, my renewed relationship with a former ex-bf will work out, I've definitely got a " full plate " as far as stress goes right now !
In 2012 I ended up in a nursing home / rehab place for physical therapy to learn to walk again, because of several falls I had that year that ended me up in the hospital. The last fall I had that year I ended up in bed for two weeks straight - not getting up at all, and after that I couldn't walk at all !
So the hospital sent me straight to a nursing home / rehab place for physical therapy to learn how to walk again. It took me a total of 10 months out of the 12 that year to finally graduate from physical therapy, and be out of there for good !
I had to stay at my parents' home for a few months at first so I could find a new apartment for myself. I had lost my last apartment since I couldn't pay my rent, and pay the nursing home / rehab place at the same time.
Finally after about 3 months, or so, I found a new apartment, and moved out of my parents' house.
I was so happy to be on my own again.
It wasn't easy since I had to figure out ways to do everything on my own, despite my mobility issues. But at least I was able to walk a little bit with my walker, and I had my manual wheelchair too to use whenever I needed it.
I managed, and I was content. It was wonderful having complete privacy again, since of course at my parents' house I had little to NO privacy sometimes.
At first I was simply content to be on my own again, but eventually the solitude started to get to me.
The ironic thing is that when I was in the nursing home / rehab place I had friends to talk to in person everyday, and that made being there a lot more tolerable. Now being on my own again I had no one. I was completely alone. Sure I've always had a small group of friends online that I chat with every now and then, but that's not the same as talking to someone in person. I started to long for face to face contact again.
As a result of this longing, and loneliness, I resorted to trying out a few free online dating sites to try to make a romantic connection.
Why I thought this would turn out successful, I don't know.
The thing was this was my " only " option as far as meeting someone in person, since I haven't owned a car, or driven, since 2004.
You always see those commercials that swear that it worked for " them ".
Yeah right ! BULL ! LOL !
What I found out very quickly was the at least 85 % of the men on those sites were only after one thing... SEX !
Whenever I tried to explain to them that that was not what I was looking, they would either insult me, or " pretend " that was NOT what they were looking for, but then turn around and later on show me by their actions that they LIED !
So in a word it was a complete FAILURE !
I was still left completely alone, and longing for companionship.
For others they would have their family members to talk to, but I've never had that. I have 2 older sisters, and 1 older brother, but I've only ever been kind of close to one sister. Even with the one sister, she's not always available to talk to, and many times makes me feel like I'm bothering her when I call her. Whether he attitude is on purpose, or not, I don't know.
I used to have one niece that I thought I was close to, but she's proved to be emotionally unstable and as a result now she won't even talk to me at all. It hurts me to the core that she's like that, when I know I didn't do anything to deserve it. Sometimes though people will feel however they'll feel, and there's nothing we can do about it. No one can control another person's feelings, no matter how much they wish they could.
To skip ahead to present day... Right now a month ago, or so, I took an ex-bf back to live with me. I love him very much, but I'm still trying to decide if I truly made the right decision, or not. I hope that I did, because I want him and I to work out for good this time. The only thing is everyone - pretty much all of my friends - tell me the same thing, that an ex is an ex for a reason, and you should never take them back.
Since I've already taken him back, it's too late for their advice now.
Now I suppose I need to bide my time, and see if time will tell on how well this will go, or not.
It's felt like an " uphill battle " since he got here July 3 rd, 2015, but I'm still hopeful that things will get better. After all we were apart for a very very long time, and it's bound to take time for us to adjust to being together once again. That would seem only natural to me.
My Mom is worse than ever with her Parkinson's disease, and my Dad struggles every day and night trying his best to take care of her at home. He has a home health care aid that comes part-time, but he really needs more help than that. He simply can't afford more help. I wish I was physically able to help him, and of course had a car to drive over there to go help them.
Between worrying every day about my parents - especially my Mom, and worrying about whether, or not, my renewed relationship with a former ex-bf will work out, I've definitely got a " full plate " as far as stress goes right now !
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