A Lot Has Happen

It's been awhile since my last entries and the boyfriend I had at the time is now my ex. Now here is the funny thing he is now my roommate while he has another girlfriend, mind you it's long distance relationship, thankfully. So what happen was that movie he went with his friend got him in trouble with his dad, so I didn't see him for awhile and then when I did see him again he tells me he is running away. I had a lot of emotions running through me and I just tried to think to myself while I was watching a show on my laptop and then leave for class. Well while I'm in my class I think to myself 'Why don't I ask him to stay at my place?' well when I got out of class and went to go look for him his friends told me he had already left, so I lost my chance and for awhile and darkened myself away from his friends and my own as well. Well I go make-up with his friend the girl that took him to the movies three weeks later to find out he was coming to the college that day. I was so ecstatic! When I saw him I hugged him and we kissed and he introduce me to a guy friend of his that he was staying at. Well he stays for awhile and soon all of the other friends start leaving and then he does too. So I'm still at the college around six and he texts me through his friend's phone cause at the time he didn't have his phone through any of this. Anyways he texts me and asks me if I am still at the college and I told him 'yeah'. Well he comes to where I am and asks me if he could live with me. Of course I told him yes! But apparently we had to go where he was staying with his abusive father to get some of his stuff and then we're out there and head to my place. Well when we got up to my apartment I see practically all my stuff is stolen, my table, my end tables, my tv center, like my apartment was pretty much bare. Well I call my mom and she says my brother took everything and got into car crash as well but didn't die, if only, anyways I basically throw a fit in front of my boyfriend and his friend. I felt like a total utter idiot, plus my brother didn't leave my apartment all so clean, embarrassing. Already my boyfriend makes a move to calm me down and like we get his stuff all together and tell his friend goodbye. Well me I have issues, a lot of them, for three months I ended up abusing him physically and emotionally and drove him into another girl's arms. I felt miserable, heartbroken, cause he broke up with me but still planned to live with me. I tried to commit suicide, but he calmed me down from that, but then when he had given me my phone that night from texting his friends because his phone bill service went out awhile back I read a text saying "So you finally made it official with Dakota again' ooh I was so mad and hurt. Two days not even after breaking up with me he had another girlfriend. I went and threw my phone at him and got furious, pretty much I was blurred after this for I was crying so hard and my emotions went haywire, he left me that same night calling up one of his friends telling them I had gone psycho, which I'll have to admit I did. I cried the whole time he was packing and begged him to stay and that I was sorry but he still stormed out. For about a month he was gone from me and this was december! I almost ended up alone for christmas if I hadn't gone to my mom's and told her what happened between us. I spent christmas at my mom's and we took a trip to mcallen and I still stayed a little after at her house, I was still hurting. Then low and behold Robert calls me up, I told him I didn't want anything to do with him. Well that only last for long cause mid-janaury I had called him to make-up and say I was sorry and that I hoped he could forgive me. Well we made up and then the next day he calls me up and asks if he could just stay the night at my place so he could be near where his dad lives, because his friend lives far out. I agree. Well when he came over one thing led to another and I had the most two amazing nights ever! We woke up in each other's arms the next day, I felt so at peace and in love, but then I had to remind myself that he had a girlfriend. Well after his stay he left, helped his dad, then went back to his friend's place. Well we started talking on the phone after that and he spent another couple nights with me and told me how his friend's mom was wanting to kick him out. Well I wanted to help, I wanted to win his love all over again. I asked him to stay and there he started living with me again. I made sure to never hurt him physically or emotionally, but my mouth sometimes has it's moments where it says things without me thinking through what I am saying. So there were some up and downs but we made through, but thing is we would make love sometimes and I knew he regretted it and thought it was a mistake because he has a girlfriend in Georgia, mind you! Well he says he would never do it again that it would hurt her, it still happens. Well fast forwarding up a bit I had a little incident where I couldn't take it anymore and I take out a knife saying I kill myself in front of him well I didn't actually do anything, but when he took the knife away it cut deep into my thumb and I just look as I see myself basically mess with him torture him with the sight of my blood he panics and head to his room. When I realized what I done I felt so stupid and went to clean it and put a bandaid on. I spaced myself between him, eventually I took a shower and I churn things through. I sit down and tell him that I won't love him anymore (obviously I still love him or I wouldn't be on) and that I won't push him into 'sex' (such a foreign word for me, I prefer love-making) well after a day of the silent treatment from him we go back to somewhat normal behavior. Then I asked if I could ever talk over the phone with Dakota and tell her I wouldn't do anything as well, he says ok but that her minutes had already been used up and that it would be awhile until either of us could talk to her. In all honesty I just want to find out more about the bitch, because apparently they had been in an on and off relationship, thing is he is 18 and she is 15 and I'm about to be 21. Thing is him and I are legal, she is jailbait! My thing is why can't he love me, why couldn't he just give me one more chance, he gave her TWO chances! And me not even one. I love him, but what can I do, we do sometimes still have sex(lmake-love) but I think he is trying to justify it, by thinking I am not in love with him so it's ok. Also lately he has been texting with one of my friends who is 15 and pregnant and I have looked through his phone at the text messages (bad habit, I know) and I think he has been flirting with her! What the fuck?! Thing is I'm 21 and people all the time has to ask me for my ID because I look 15 or 16, so what is it that I don't have that he seems to be hitting up on these girls for? Ugh! Why does this have to be like this, please, someone, anyone, a word of advice, please?
TemptressAnger