A little scared..
Well my sister and mother-in-law stopped over for a little bit tonight after they got off work. I have to say we were having a pretty good time and then we started talking bout the first time I got sick with Colitis.
It was late one evening and I had just finished supper and wasn't feeling good at all. I started to go to the bathroom and I couldn't stop. Everyone had went to bed, and I thought wow I feel horrible. After like 15 minutes of being in the bathroom my sister Felicia came out of room and asked if I was okay, and I said I really don't know. She looked at me and commented on how pale I looked and said I should go into the emergency room. Well we went in and got checked in, and they said I needed a parent since I was underage. So we had to call and have my dad come down, and needless to say he wasn't too happy. He thought I had the flu or something and said I was being dramatic. Well once I got their I started getting sick like every 30 minutes, along with passings pure blood in my stools every time I went which was ALL the darn time. So needless to say they kept me overnight and it was the worst night ever. I knew they had said they were unsure if I would have made it through the night.. and that has stuck with me.
Well, my sister said to me and my mother in law tonight that the Dr. told her if I would have waited till morning to come in, I wouldn't be alive.. and that is the first time I have heard that. . and I don't know why but it is eating at me. That scares me to think. I knew they said they were unsure I would have made it but when she said that it triggered something inside of me.. and I am fearful and so scared.
I am very thankful that God was with me and got me through that night, but now I feel like I just relived that night all over again this evening in talking about it.. am I alone or does someone else get those fears that hinder up on you and then feel like they are suffocating you?!
All I want is to rid of this disease ulcerative colits, and live a normal life in terms of tummy issues and bowel movements. . I am tired of this disease eating away at me.. and I get scared with each flare will it end up like the first time or take my life?
It was late one evening and I had just finished supper and wasn't feeling good at all. I started to go to the bathroom and I couldn't stop. Everyone had went to bed, and I thought wow I feel horrible. After like 15 minutes of being in the bathroom my sister Felicia came out of room and asked if I was okay, and I said I really don't know. She looked at me and commented on how pale I looked and said I should go into the emergency room. Well we went in and got checked in, and they said I needed a parent since I was underage. So we had to call and have my dad come down, and needless to say he wasn't too happy. He thought I had the flu or something and said I was being dramatic. Well once I got their I started getting sick like every 30 minutes, along with passings pure blood in my stools every time I went which was ALL the darn time. So needless to say they kept me overnight and it was the worst night ever. I knew they had said they were unsure if I would have made it through the night.. and that has stuck with me.
Well, my sister said to me and my mother in law tonight that the Dr. told her if I would have waited till morning to come in, I wouldn't be alive.. and that is the first time I have heard that. . and I don't know why but it is eating at me. That scares me to think. I knew they said they were unsure I would have made it but when she said that it triggered something inside of me.. and I am fearful and so scared.
I am very thankful that God was with me and got me through that night, but now I feel like I just relived that night all over again this evening in talking about it.. am I alone or does someone else get those fears that hinder up on you and then feel like they are suffocating you?!
All I want is to rid of this disease ulcerative colits, and live a normal life in terms of tummy issues and bowel movements. . I am tired of this disease eating away at me.. and I get scared with each flare will it end up like the first time or take my life?
Replies
I can completely relate to this. My first flare was really aggressive and I can pinpoint the critical moment when, if I had not been convinced by my stepmom to go to the ER, I may not have lasted too much longer without serious, serious consequences. I think it\'s a form of post-traumatic stress in a way...mine kind of sneaks up on me when a have a bad dream (been having a lot of those lately) or if someone refers to something that happened during the time I was sick. I hope that with time, it won\'t be so bad, but it can create an incredible amount of anxiety for me even if I\'m feeling physically fine.
One thing that I think about that helps me a bit is that I know so much more than I did then. I know what my disease is, I know the warning signs and I\'ll never let myself get to the point that I\'m that bad again without getting in contact immediately with my doctor. That makes me feel a little more in control at least. I\'ve been worrying a lot more lately because I\'m about to finish my prednisone taper and I\'m scared about how my body is going to react to that. So I know the sense of feeling like a ticking time bomb of sorts...
Regardless, Kelsey, we\'re both going to make it, one way or another--us Kansas girls are strong stock! :) I hope your anxiety gives you a break and I will send peaceful thoughts your way. Hope tomorrow is a better day!
Thank you so much for this! I am glad I am not alone in feeling that, and I will say I never thought of it as a post- tramatic thing, and that really makes sense!!
I am sorry you had a really bad experience as well.. it seems with uc they are all pretty rough at first... I wish it was different for us. And your right, we know what our body needs when we start to feel sick, we know when we need to go to the hospital, I am glad that over the years I have tried my best to listen to what my body is saying.
Well I hope you tapering off the prednisone goes good for you and it will keep your body feeling good. I always get scared to start and stop medicines, so I feel your fear their. Just think you could come off of it and your life can continue on and you can be symptom FREE!!! That would be amazing!!
I agree we both will continue on and be okay!! That is right us Kansas Girls are strong and we fight!! You have helped me feel better, thanks a ton!!!!