a little more about what I have been through recently

I was in such a bad state (diaper-wise) that I went to the hospital's ER, waited for 1 hour 30 minutes in the waiting room, another 30 minutes for filling out paperwork, another 30 minutes in the waiting room before i got to a room, and another 45 minutes in the room waiting for a nurse or someone to help me.  When a nurse finally came in with changing things she got to work with a very unhappy face.  When she started she said, let's change that diaper baby.  This made me break down and cry.  While she was cleaning my diaper area my body responded a little bit (aroused, despite my crying) the nurse just stood up and walked out of the room leaving the wipe on my.  I wasn't diapered, and only on a changing pad.  She came back in 30 minutes later and ask, "Are you done with the show?"  She continued, but I'll say it nicer, saying that it's her job to help people and not help people get a sexual pleasure from being changed.  She was saying I was liking the treatment, thinking my crying was fake!  After she finished changing me she left the room without a word and with a very straight face.  I hated that visit to the hospital, I literally paid 100 dollars co-pay when I left and payed even more when I got the bill from the hospital just to have help with changing my diaper.  It makes me very mad that no one in the healthcare system around my area cares enough to help someone who does need help.  The idea that only people in wheelchairs, mentally handicapped, and the elderly deserve help from nurses on daily living is a load of bull pucky.  I'm 20 years old, I have full incontinence of bladder and bowel, nerve atrophy, and depression caused from those.  Because of the nerve problem alone I need help, the incontinence is just salt in the wound.  I need to move or something.  I will admit, I am not suicidal IN THE LEAST but I do wonder from time to time what would happen if I just up and left the planet somehow.  Would it be better for me? Ok now I'm just ranting lol, I'll stop here and post more another day.  Ty all for reading, have a great day everyone :D