a little history and this girl i met

Over the years i thought it would be a never ending story. Like It would never change and that everyone is the same so i became isolated. Cut all freinds off execpt like maybe two. Never wanted to make any more. Seems like the people i met during the first stage of that was only around for the money and free drugs. I really like all these new friends at that time. Im like 15 yrs old at this point. Buying this selling that.

When i got to be 16 i have seen a shit ton af money at this point and had lots of money as well. I noticed a lot of girls was starting to hang around and i done lernt from my middle school ex so i wasnt really want that. Well anyway I would buy guns drugs cars what ever i could be to feel that emptiness that needed feeling from the issues i had growing up. I loved to fight still at this age as most of yall know the story for that if not is on my paige. Road trips dialy 5,000 or 6,000 spent daily with no care. From parties to betting on fights even my own fights. I had money

. By the time i was 17 I was runnnig low on money and useing more drugs and just so far out i was lost. I started doing tattoos to support my habbit and selling dope as well.Still had money but nothing like i used to have. Well getting close to my 18th bday bout a few weeks before i ment the worst mistake of my life. I stayed messed up like strung out for 6 years just to numb my self from all the metal abuse and lies and cheating, and most would say, your a guy that doesnt happen to men. Well your wrong gender has nothing to do with how one treats another.

Anyway after about 6 years i hade some legal issues come up and i had to seek treatment. instead of having the normal 6 day detox i had 2 weeks. Couldnt hold the detox meds downs only valum they was giving me. I thought i was  gonna die but I still sat in classes and did what i needed to do for me. Well im no longer numb at this point. So im seeing more than i was before and i couldnt cover it up. well i get sent to prison because i smoke weed to cover my problems up and cope. I couldnt do pills anymore so i had to do something. Things happened on the outside while i was locked up and even had dreams about, i do that alot things in my dreams mostly end up happening or already happened so i ask if she cheated she said no.

Well here it is about this time  last year and there was a fight cause i woulndnt allow my 16 yr old step daughter that i raised 12 yrs of her life to lay around in bed with a boy she liked. Well I had her mothers phone that day so she texts and says "moma if you dont get yuor man im running away and ill tell scotty about your cheating on him with brad and the other when he was in prisoon...Hang on others ??? So at this point i was ready to blow the bitches face off. But i walked in there and calming ask what the hell is this about oh shes just lieing to get her way. i said i guess your 2 sons are lieing to huh. So i left and slept on the streets and worked for a couple of week. ANd couldnt do it much longer so i rented her couch for a few months and then get locked up on false charges which you guys no about if not it to is on my paige some where. So i get these letters saying its changed she changed but 4 months down the road i get out and out the blue ask to use the phone real quick so i pop open messenger and whos in the secret conversations on there one of the guys she cheated on me with. I said here you go and heres this money to rent your couch so im there 3 or 4 more months just stuck intil i started IOP class again. A few people there helped me make my mind up and figure things out. There is no way i would or could have feelings for her anymore no way in hell.

well here i am 3-4 months from that point. I only take to her kids or tell her that a package came to my dads and she needs to take this address of her mailing list. Shes hacked my facebooks has my nameas her facebook. So i said hell with it i dont need a facebook any so i just keep messenger to keep in touch with out of town friends. I could never put my self back in that place or her life. I cant afford it. Ive did all this on my own and made it thru it own my own. I refuse to allow myself to fall back cause i need to keep moving forward with no look backs. Cant live on the past forever or want to keep the past the past in your life and think they will be no problem cause its a lie.

Now with that out the way, I never thought id want to be with someone for awhile again until i met the most sweetest girl. We been thru similar things likes lots of the same things and wants to be treated the same. Now this girl is amazing. She has help me alot more than she knows. I have feeling for this girl more than she knows. Shes scared just like me. Scared of beinng hurt scared of losing someon. When im around her im happy and so lost for words. Ive never in my life felt like this towards someone.

I need feed back. Like is it normal to to have feeling like really strong fellings and a bond so fast. I mean she is all i think about and we talk all the time. I really want her to stay. Its like ive known her forever but really havnt. i just love everything about her, who she is, whats in her heart she smart, careing, loving. She honestly what i wanted in my life want to keep in mylife. 

This girl has a big spot in my heart. I really like her and really glad she was put in my life.