A Little better
Paul finally put the locks on our bedroom door and the basement door. What a drag, but we just had no choice. David went in my room and took another rated R DVD (Wes Craven's Nightmare on Elm Street.) I don't even watch that garbage. But this has just been a continuous problem. And 10+ more popsicle wrappers in the dining room hidden among a box of toys. And a Tastycake cupcake wrapper full of crumbs in his room. He told the counselor the other day he just can't stop himself from eating sweets and candy. (We brought in the large canister that was full of empty wrappers in his room to show the counselor.) And he is driving me crazy. I constantly have to tell him to flush the toilet (EWW!), take a shower, clean up after himself. And the mouthiness continues, with him screaming at me to shut up. So he was told today no food until he cleaned his bathroom. (He had already eaten breakfast, and Lord knows what else.) He laid in bed, took several naps, just refused. Then when dinner time came, he threw one if his fits. But he finally got his bathroom done and got to eat dinner. It is a royal pain having to get the key everytime I want to go in my room. But we just have no choice. School starts on 9/1/09. Oh joy. But there will be NO priveliges until I see the homework done. if this does not work and he gets a bad first report card, then there will be no tv or video games on a school night for the rest of the year. I am just sticking to my guns. School has to come first. I have been bingeing and eating garbage for the last 2+ weeks and thank God only gained 1 lbs. I got some cleaning done today and feel a little better. Have some more to get done tomorrow. Want to read a few chapters in my book in the afternoon. And this week and am making a promise to myself to just get my butt in gear again. I keep letting myself down. It isn't fair. I am going to buy some Lean Cusines and Healthy Choice dinners. This way, if I make something for the guys that is not fitting with my diet, I can eat one of those and it is also portion controlled. I am going to get back to the Y. It's been almost 3 weeks since I have been there. I just feel horrible. I am SO tired with all of the stress I have been under. My sister lost 78 lbs. I am SO jealous. She is like the center of attention everywhere. Not that I am this big attention grabbing person, but I have always felt on the outside looking in to begin with, even in my own family. I have just felt different than the rest of them. If she can do it, gosh, I should be able to. She wants to lose about 30 more lbs. So this is it. I have zero self confidence right now. I just feel so blah. I have to get out of the blahs. I have to find a way to get out and enjoy life more. Paul bought me a ticket to go to Florida to see my Dad. 10/2/09-10/8/09. It will be so nice to get away and I really miss my Dad and stepmom. I closed 7 claims last week, which is A LOT. 2-3 per week is a good clip. Hopefully, this week, will plug in some overtime and just get some more cleaned up. And I have to crack the whip on this house. I am just going to do a little at a time. Paul has done nothing on the basement for months. So much for getting a pool table for Christmas. And I think the next thing I need to clean up is my office. Maybe I will spend some time tomorrow cleaning up in here so I feel better on Monday morning.
Replies
Oh sweetie, you are just under a MOUNTAIN of stress, ain\'t you! As I read this journal, I related to so much of what you are saying and feeling...at wit\'s end about knowing what to do about your child...vowing to stick to your guns (although if you\'re like me, you will probly find SOME really good excuse not to at times, doggone it!), feeling overwhelmed by EVERYTHING.
This is when I usually bite the bullet and go ahead and treat myself to a massage. If you\'ve done that many claims in one week, I think you deserve to take a little bit of that money and use it to rejuvenate yourself! I love massages cuz I love the human touch and they feel so nurturing to me. I know some ppl don\'t like it, but what I\'m saying is to please take some money and some time, of which you owe to yourself, and do something to take care of MOM for a change.
If you can, try not to be so hard on yourself about the house. I know it can feel disheartening to live in a mess, or in an unfinished house, but in the grand scheme of things, is that really what\'s going to matter anyway? No, but your relationships will...and I will pray for God\'s supernatural peace to flood your soul and for you to be able to feel His arms enveloping you. Also for wisdom, strength, unlimited patience, a sense of humor, a light at the end of the tunnel, and a strong and sure hope to fill your heart in regards to your son. I truly do understand how hard he must be for you. My daughter is so much the same. It\'s bewildering.
Remember too, that your life will not be like this forever...
HUGS!!
Debi
Oh sweetie, you are just under a MOUNTAIN of stress, ain\'t you! As I read this journal, I related to so much of what you are saying and feeling...at wit\'s end about knowing what to do about your child...vowing to stick to your guns (although if you\'re like me, you will probly find SOME really good excuse not to at times, doggone it!), feeling overwhelmed by EVERYTHING.
This is when I usually bite the bullet and go ahead and treat myself to a massage. If you\'ve done that many claims in one week, I think you deserve to take a little bit of that money and use it to rejuvenate yourself! I love massages cuz I love the human touch and they feel so nurturing to me. I know some ppl don\'t like it, but what I\'m saying is to please take some money and some time, of which you owe to yourself, and do something to take care of MOM for a change.
If you can, try not to be so hard on yourself about the house. I know it can feel disheartening to live in a mess, or in an unfinished house, but in the grand scheme of things, is that really what\'s going to matter anyway? No, but your relationships will...and I will pray for God\'s supernatural peace to flood your soul and for you to be able to feel His arms enveloping you. Also for wisdom, strength, unlimited patience, a sense of humor, a light at the end of the tunnel, and a strong and sure hope to fill your heart in regards to your son. I truly do understand how hard he must be for you. My daughter is so much the same. It\'s bewildering.
Remember too, that your life will not be like this forever...
HUGS!!
Debi
Great that the work load is starting see some progress. Keep pecking a way at it bit by bit I know you will get your office cleaned.
As far as the binges...you need to set a good example for David. Hope can you expect him to have control if you do not. Maybe you and David could tackle your eating problems together. Get him to help you and in the end he might help himself. When/if he can get some control he will have something to feel good about himself.
How great that you will get to go to Florida!
Wishing you success w/your son..so you two can enjoy each other.... life seems stressful now --in time things work out... please take some time for yourself and rejuvinate... that will help you a great deal. hope your weekend is relaxing ... hugs
When we had to put locks on our doors, we just all had the key ring bracelets on at all times. This may make it a bit more cumbersom, but at least you aren\'t trying to find keys, when you need to get in. You will get used to the lock and key thing. You\'ve picked your battles quite reasonably I\'d say. Yes, it does suck that locks have to go on everything, but it saves quite a lot of sanity also. Unfortunately, you can\'t control what goes on OUTside of the home; my brother \"collects\" things from everywhere. *sigh*. One step closer to sanity sweetie. I KNOW how frustrated you must feel.
As for sticking to your guns, good girl! You are sooo strong, let him know that your will is stronger than his. You WILL survive and win this sweetie. Baby steps. I know one foot in front of the other seems hard on days, but you are doing it!
Glad you get to go to Fl. Emjoy yourself tons. HUGE HUGS and TONS of love to you!. Hang in there.
So are these all techniques that the counselor recommended? (They sound great, I have no clue! Just prepping for my own years with three teens)
You have so much on your plate. What do you get to do for you? What would make you feel good? A clean house and office? A massage? Talking with a friend over coffee? Love you! Hoping you are getting through this crazy busy time.