A life.
I went to see my dad yesterday again, It’s nice to see him even though he can’t talk much. He was moved to a new floor as well and I hate riding the elevator to go up and see him, Icky.. I hate elevators, But whatever.. It was nice, there was a ton of people there visiting him yesterday.. It was super cool to see everyone again (and some people for the first time!) When we got home I was exhausted though and fell straight to sleep.. I woke up, and did absolutely nothing.. I was too tired.. I’ve been busy lately with researching jobs and finanical aids and schools and junk like that, I also have been doing more stuff around the house. I’m worried about my friends because things are constantly difficult for them and I feel like I can’t do anything to help make it better.. I’m also constantly.. disappointed in another friend because he’s never around, Ever.. I feel like he used to be busy with a full time job and other shit he had to do and still managed to have time to himself.. Idk what changed or when it changed.. But he works part time now, He does cleaning around the house, he has classes and when he’s not doing any of that stuff he’s sleeping.. I don’t know.. Maybe i’m just miffed because he doesn’t drop everything for me.. But I mean, I get it.. He’s busy.. I just miss him which is why I get so damn frustrated and which is WHY I’ve been snapping at him lately.. I don’t mean it, He knows that.. And I feel guilty for even being this way about it because I know he feels horrible.. What am I supposed to do? Just lie? I don’t know.. I feel like I can’t do anything to help anyone, my friends, my family, anyone ever.. I don’t have a job, I don’t volunteer, I don’t have any way to help anyone get any money, I can’t even do shit to help my friend get through her eating disorder.. I feel useless and I feel guilty because everyone I know is trying so hard to get through each day and all I ever do is sit on my damn ass and whine about how -I- don’t have any money, or games, or a job, or friends.
Maybe I’m just a selfish bitch.
Maybe I’m just a selfish bitch.
Replies
You are not useless and you have no reason to feel guilty. You said in your journal you are looking for a job, classes and financial aid so it is not like you are doing nothing. If you are not able to help financially then help in another way like doing chores or making meals. Just because you are not helping in one way does not mean you are not helping in another. If I had to guess you are basing your self worth on money contribution. If you are I got news for you, you are worth much more than any amount of money you can contribute.