a life with healthy boundries

hi

i just read something id like to share on boundries:

Boundaries can be too rigid or too loose. Those whose boundaries are too rigid literally shut out everyone from their lives. They appear aloof and distant, and do not talk about feelings or show emotions. They exhibit extreme self-sufficiency, and do not ask for help. They do not allow anyone to get physically or emotionally close to them. It is as if they live in a house surrounded by an immense wall with no gates. No one is allowed in.

Those whose boundaries are too loose put their hands on strangers and let others touch them inappropriately. They may be sexually promiscuous, confuse sex and love, be driven to be in a sexual relationship, and get too close to others too fast. They may take on the feelings of others as their own, easily become emotionally overwhelmed, give too much, take too much, and be in constant need of reassurance. They may expect others to read their minds, think they can read the minds of others, say "yes" when they want to say "no," and feel  responsible for the feelings of others. Those with loose boundaries often lead chaotic lives, full of drama, as if they lived in houses with no fences, gates, locks, or even doors.

Those with healthy boundaries are firm but flexible. They give support and accept it. They respect their feelings, needs, opinions, and rights, and those of others, but are clear about their separateness. They are responsible for their own happiness and allow others to be responsible for their happiness. They are assertive and respectful of the rights of others to be assertive. They are able to negotiate and compromise, have empathy for others, are able to make mistakes without damaging their self-esteem, and have an internal sense of personal identity. They respect diversity. Those with healthy boundaries are comfortable with themselves, and make others comfortable around them.  They live in houses with fences and gates that  allow access only to those who respect their boundaries.

Learning to set healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable, even scary, because it may go against the grain of the survival skills we learned in childhood - particularly if our caretakers were physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive. For example, we may have learned to repress our  anger or other painful emotions because we would have been attacked and blamed for expressing the very pain the abuse had caused. Thus, attempting to set healthy boundaries as an adult may initially be accompanied by anxiety, but we must learn to work through these conditioned fears, or we will never have healthy relationships. But this process of growth takes time, and our motto should always be, "Progress not perfection."

im a person with extremely loose boundries... the first step id like to work on is making self care my priority..

Self-care also means recognizing the importance of your feelings and honoring them. These feelings serve as “important cues about our wellbeing and about what makes us happy and unhappy.”

Putting yourself first also gives you the “energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there” for them.” And “When we’re in a better place, we can be a better wife, mother, husband, co-worker or friend.”

with me its taking time to eat properly, sleep, look after my hygiene and looks and allow myself to have ME time WITHOUT feeling selfish eg just resting on couch...

i just pressed silence on my phone this sec thats a HUGE victory for me. it was a co worker that returned my call and its late i dont know how to hang up as shes quite intimidating. I guess at this point in my life everyone seems needy and a burden cos i take thier life and turn it into my responsibilty. If i would set proper fences around me then those that respect my boundries would be pleasent to be with.

whilst writing this journal a neighbour called to ask me advice on using program on computer. i started helping her and eplained in detail and she just wasnt getting it.  i had an urge to go over and help but i just slowed down and said maybe come over tommorow and ill show u. that was huge victory again..(Shes a person with strong boundries so wasnt so difficult)

id like to spend 5 mins preparing kids school luch and then id like to spend rest of evening not much left on looking after ME eg brushing teeth and washing my face with facial scrub (hardly do:( ). im falling asleep. i plan on writing my journal first thing in mornig so i can plan my day with a little