A lesson in Pain and Desire

I have a story that is deeply touching to me that can only be appreciated by those who experience chronic issues.Yesterday I went diving, a sport that is not in the safety zone of a migrainer. I was not scared, but rather excited and thoughtful of what was coming. I trusted the people I was with and knew what I needed to know. The water was 6C and we descended to 25' and my ears hurt terribly which is normal as I am learning to equalize. I am a trouper and experienced in pain, so I signaled wait while I pushed through it and it stopped. What I didn't know was that I didn't depressurize my mask by blowing air out through my nose, because I had started a nose bleed. I thought I had started a nose bleed so instinctively I shut down my nose. It was so very dark down below because it was a dark day and I guess my eyes started to puff up but my buddies guided me around and soon things started to clear up and I started to really enjoy myself. We went down to 57' and I saw some amazing critters that were so tiny. I saw a stick that suddenly became a snake and when it became scared, it became a stick again. I saw a purple frilly lettuce thing that was actually a spider. Oh, I could go on and on. It was amazing!!! But my mask kept filling up with fluid so I kept blowing it out.Our tanks were halfway full and it was almost time to pull up and we were nearer the shore and my buddy could see my face now and he points to my mask and signals to go up. We surface and I pull off my mask and all this blood swooshes out. My face around my eyes is all puffy and bruised from the initial lack of decompression and I look like a bloody mess.So this is not life threatening. This just makes for an interesting story and does happen to beginners. What happens after is an inner journey. I drive home, eat and drink a bit, my head hurts, but I push through, have a shower, clean up my gear, finally take some pain killers and go lie down. I have a headache on top of a the worst migraine and the highest dose of narcotics are not working. I don't panic because I've been down this road many times. Half an hour later I am dry heaving in the toilet but don't throw up. I wonder how much blood may have gone into my stomach and don't understand my violent reaction to all of this. I drink some more water thinking I might be dehydrated. (Dive time was only 1/2 hour) and finally I sleep and it subsides to tolerable after 2 hours.Then my survivor brain starts to recap my day and I'm thinking of going diving again, all the while negating the fact of how violently ill I had become. My brother and son came home, shocked to see my face, and I told them the story (missing the fact of dry heaves and monster migraine) and can't wait to go again, and I really mean this from the depths of my soul because I am a survivor of chronic illness.Later that night, I am talking with my son and my nose starts to bleed. My loving son says "mom, are you really all right?" and then it hit me. He knows my life of chronic pain and how much pain I am at that moment. All bullshit and want to do this sport aside, no one really knows what migraine is. I am so accustomed to shutting out an episode as soon as it's over that am I really missing warning signs. I am so used to saying f*ck you to my migraine, that maybe this sport could be too much. But I so love the beauty. But I so love life too. And I so love my son.It is a sobering thought and there are other beautiful amazing things to capture out there. My sons love wins hands down without even asking. I didn't give in to migraines. I'm going to marvel in the world in other ways.That was my day yesterday. Glad I have somewhere to share this.
 
UPDATE - the dryheaving I found out was CO2 poisioning - because I had closed down my nostrils, I wasn't breathing deep enough and I was building up CO2 in my lungs.  Note for next time...Breath deep!!!  Going to Cuba in two weeks to go diving!!Angela Tahara