A Horrible Human Being
So my ex boyfriend was trying to remain friends with me; however, on his FB he posted some pretty mean things about me. I decided since I was so toxic for him that we didn't need to be friends any more. I wasn't mean, just told him that I didn't want any further contact with him and to leave me be. He just couldn't seem to do that so he kept texting and calling. Eventually he left a voice mail saying that he wasn't going to leave me alone until I explained why I "went crazy and started acting so childish". So I sent him an email that said, "I don't have to explain myself. Do not contact me any more." So he wrote me back telling me I was a horrible human being and a terrible mother and that he hopes the state takes away my children and at the very least that one of my ex husbands figures it out and takes the kids.
Logically I know he's hurt and upset and lashing out. Unfortunately, it's hard not to believe him. Especially right now as I'm dealing with my depression and my life is in total chaos. I can't help but think maybe it's time I Just let my exes have the kids and I back out so I don't have such a negative impact.
My two oldest boys have been stealing lately. First it was just change from my purse to get things at the gas station. Then my middle son stole $100 from my purse with the intention of putting the change back and then he stole an expensive leather bound journal from his dad's girlfriend. Then my oldest stole a video game from his dad's friend. I'm failing miserably as a mother. I'm angry all the time and I can't even face my kids because we're not happy. I feel like nothing is going to work, nothing will make a lasting change. Some how we're always going to end up back here. I know if I just wait long enough that my mood will lift and things will get better but while I'm where I'm at I can't help but realize that just as it's inevitable that things will get better it's also inevitable that things will come back to where I'm at now. I can't stand to have close friends because I feel like all they do is judge me and my family. I'm embarrassed at how little control I have over my life. That I just can't seem to handle anything. I'm so afraid to make any decisions right now because I know if I do what I feel is right and hand the kids over to their dads that once I snap out of this I won't be able to live with myself. If I do that I may never actually snap out of this. I'd have no reason to, no reason to live any more. I have no way out and I don't know how much more I can take.
Logically I know he's hurt and upset and lashing out. Unfortunately, it's hard not to believe him. Especially right now as I'm dealing with my depression and my life is in total chaos. I can't help but think maybe it's time I Just let my exes have the kids and I back out so I don't have such a negative impact.
My two oldest boys have been stealing lately. First it was just change from my purse to get things at the gas station. Then my middle son stole $100 from my purse with the intention of putting the change back and then he stole an expensive leather bound journal from his dad's girlfriend. Then my oldest stole a video game from his dad's friend. I'm failing miserably as a mother. I'm angry all the time and I can't even face my kids because we're not happy. I feel like nothing is going to work, nothing will make a lasting change. Some how we're always going to end up back here. I know if I just wait long enough that my mood will lift and things will get better but while I'm where I'm at I can't help but realize that just as it's inevitable that things will get better it's also inevitable that things will come back to where I'm at now. I can't stand to have close friends because I feel like all they do is judge me and my family. I'm embarrassed at how little control I have over my life. That I just can't seem to handle anything. I'm so afraid to make any decisions right now because I know if I do what I feel is right and hand the kids over to their dads that once I snap out of this I won't be able to live with myself. If I do that I may never actually snap out of this. I'd have no reason to, no reason to live any more. I have no way out and I don't know how much more I can take.
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