A hail Mary, month boot camp?
Please don't react poorly to this. Can you take a step back, when you're by yourself, not answering to anyone, and consider this and then we can talk about it, and the possibility of involving me with you and Martin on a short term regular basis? About connecting on a daily basis about this for at least while my daughter is gone?
I had mentioned that a lot of the tendencies in how I feel dealing with Lydia I feel with you, and this expert interview made a direct link between dishonesty and the attachment issues that I was talking about. Just logistical history in being handed off to your grandparents and then once bonded with them, forced to leave again for an environment that was not safe and created a prolonged period of that at puberty is a part of the attachment piece too.
Melanie is saying that because of his abuse, Lydia's attachment stuff was because I was not able to be a mother to my daughter when he was around (sound familiar from our old emails?). I became a zombie around him, and then there was when he would take her from me, the police being called, and ultimately his leaving and then all my trauma related issues and resentment issues towards Lydia.
The attachment issues also directly explain why you would have used Joanna as a mother figure and still underneath resented and hated her for not taking care of you, that she should have just intuitively known.
It also talks about shame, which you brought up and Bene Brown and from Martin.
It also talks about meditation and a plan, something I've been trying to get at and keep coming back to for a really long time. I think it's worth doing, and completely coincides with my desire for us to use time to meditate together, in the same room, not necessarily touching or listening to the same guidance, just practicing being relaxed around each other and allowing ourselves to accept and eventually believe positive messages. It also hits with several sources that say that changing thoughts is an important part of stopping the lying.
It talks about how the motivation to change has only been when our relationship is in crisis, which to me fits really well.
It talks about the narcissistic traits that are usually there too, which explains all the times I've drawn that link, and tried to communicate it to you however poorly.
It may be selfish, but I need you to be a safe person, an honest person, to get through my shit with you, just like you need me to be emotionally available. It means really, permanently, effectively taking care of this stuff that you know happens.
Otherwise, Martin is right, my counselors are right, we should not be together for our own mental and emotional health. So the question becomes to talk about tonight, are we, you and I, willing to own the issues as a truth about ourselves and do these things to fix it?
http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Compulsive_Lying_Treatments_Interview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
I had mentioned that a lot of the tendencies in how I feel dealing with Lydia I feel with you, and this expert interview made a direct link between dishonesty and the attachment issues that I was talking about. Just logistical history in being handed off to your grandparents and then once bonded with them, forced to leave again for an environment that was not safe and created a prolonged period of that at puberty is a part of the attachment piece too.
Melanie is saying that because of his abuse, Lydia's attachment stuff was because I was not able to be a mother to my daughter when he was around (sound familiar from our old emails?). I became a zombie around him, and then there was when he would take her from me, the police being called, and ultimately his leaving and then all my trauma related issues and resentment issues towards Lydia.
The attachment issues also directly explain why you would have used Joanna as a mother figure and still underneath resented and hated her for not taking care of you, that she should have just intuitively known.
It also talks about shame, which you brought up and Bene Brown and from Martin.
It also talks about meditation and a plan, something I've been trying to get at and keep coming back to for a really long time. I think it's worth doing, and completely coincides with my desire for us to use time to meditate together, in the same room, not necessarily touching or listening to the same guidance, just practicing being relaxed around each other and allowing ourselves to accept and eventually believe positive messages. It also hits with several sources that say that changing thoughts is an important part of stopping the lying.
It talks about how the motivation to change has only been when our relationship is in crisis, which to me fits really well.
It talks about the narcissistic traits that are usually there too, which explains all the times I've drawn that link, and tried to communicate it to you however poorly.
It may be selfish, but I need you to be a safe person, an honest person, to get through my shit with you, just like you need me to be emotionally available. It means really, permanently, effectively taking care of this stuff that you know happens.
Otherwise, Martin is right, my counselors are right, we should not be together for our own mental and emotional health. So the question becomes to talk about tonight, are we, you and I, willing to own the issues as a truth about ourselves and do these things to fix it?
http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Compulsive_Lying_Treatments_Interview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
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