A "Good Times Jar"
Well, my New Year's Eve was spent at home watching TV. I at least stayed up until the ball dropped in New York (10pm here) and then went to bed.... and I was sicker than I thought. All day yesterday, I fought with a 100.5 F. degree fever, even with medication. I slept well, and had VIVID dreams that I can't remember except for the colors, and woke up with sheets so wet from the fever that you'd think I had gone swimming....
But the fever was gone this morning. I still ache all over, but this afternoon I think I can finally get some laundry done and start putting away Christmas stuff.
So... what's a "Good Times Jar"? Well, I saw it on Facebook....someone suggested putting notes on everything good that happens in your life every day into a Mason Jar. Then, on New Year's Eve, you open the jar, and instead of thinking about all the sad things that have happened in your life that year, you read about all the WONDERFUL things.
And I know I need to do this... today, I'm sitting here doing a Harry Potter marathon on my DVD because my cable went out at 12:59 last night and hasn't reset (it still says 12:59), and I'm thinking too much about the negative... since 2000 (when the 1st movie came out), every Christmas has been HELL. I even find myself dwelling on that 1999/2000 New Year's Eve... the day we separated the first time. I got home early from work (I was front desk manager at a hotel then), and found David PLASTERED. When I walked in the door, he started throwing punches. His friend was there, drunk as well, and when I asked his friend for help getting David into rehab, he went over to David, told him I was going to have him COMMITTED, and things got worse... David threw his stuff into a duffle bag, moved in with that friend for a few months... then moved back into the house when I moved out because I couldn't afford it. He did check into rehab right after we separated... we began to see each other again by March... moved back together by May which was too early... but things were good for a little while... I knew it was coming - his death - even back then, but still, you try not to prepare for it even when you know it's inevitable because it's such a horrible thing to prepare for...
And every year, I tell myself that the NEXT year is going to be better. And after 12 years, I beginning to think I'm fooling myself... so I'm going to MAKE it a better one next year... 13 IS my lucky number. Because THIS year, I'm starting out with a note about how I'm finally recovering from my cold/flu... I'm going to get that tax situation figured out in the next few months... I'm going to prepare for a career change in something I've been toying with for a long time now... AND, I'm going to take an adventure or two... maybe even 3? If the money works out... I'm going to go West to the Grand Canyon, possibly going to go visit my friend in Oregon, and going to explore more of South Dakota. From where I stand when I hike, I can look out to the North and see a rock formation. I don't remember what it's called, but the Public Broadcasting station had a program on how cool it was there, kinda like the Badlands. I think they said there were petroglyphs there too but again, I can't remember, lol. And I've never been there, so THIS year, I'm going to go and check it out... Not to mention FINALLY taking care of myself instead of putting him or thoughts of him first... putting myself in my BEST physical shape I possibly can so that I can really enjoy my last year doing the bike race.... It's time to REALLY focus on ME....
And that way, when the memories, sadness, and grief come again next New Year's and the typical Christmas Hell breaks loose, I'll have that jar full of happiness to open...
Yep.... LATER!
But the fever was gone this morning. I still ache all over, but this afternoon I think I can finally get some laundry done and start putting away Christmas stuff.
So... what's a "Good Times Jar"? Well, I saw it on Facebook....someone suggested putting notes on everything good that happens in your life every day into a Mason Jar. Then, on New Year's Eve, you open the jar, and instead of thinking about all the sad things that have happened in your life that year, you read about all the WONDERFUL things.
And I know I need to do this... today, I'm sitting here doing a Harry Potter marathon on my DVD because my cable went out at 12:59 last night and hasn't reset (it still says 12:59), and I'm thinking too much about the negative... since 2000 (when the 1st movie came out), every Christmas has been HELL. I even find myself dwelling on that 1999/2000 New Year's Eve... the day we separated the first time. I got home early from work (I was front desk manager at a hotel then), and found David PLASTERED. When I walked in the door, he started throwing punches. His friend was there, drunk as well, and when I asked his friend for help getting David into rehab, he went over to David, told him I was going to have him COMMITTED, and things got worse... David threw his stuff into a duffle bag, moved in with that friend for a few months... then moved back into the house when I moved out because I couldn't afford it. He did check into rehab right after we separated... we began to see each other again by March... moved back together by May which was too early... but things were good for a little while... I knew it was coming - his death - even back then, but still, you try not to prepare for it even when you know it's inevitable because it's such a horrible thing to prepare for...
And every year, I tell myself that the NEXT year is going to be better. And after 12 years, I beginning to think I'm fooling myself... so I'm going to MAKE it a better one next year... 13 IS my lucky number. Because THIS year, I'm starting out with a note about how I'm finally recovering from my cold/flu... I'm going to get that tax situation figured out in the next few months... I'm going to prepare for a career change in something I've been toying with for a long time now... AND, I'm going to take an adventure or two... maybe even 3? If the money works out... I'm going to go West to the Grand Canyon, possibly going to go visit my friend in Oregon, and going to explore more of South Dakota. From where I stand when I hike, I can look out to the North and see a rock formation. I don't remember what it's called, but the Public Broadcasting station had a program on how cool it was there, kinda like the Badlands. I think they said there were petroglyphs there too but again, I can't remember, lol. And I've never been there, so THIS year, I'm going to go and check it out... Not to mention FINALLY taking care of myself instead of putting him or thoughts of him first... putting myself in my BEST physical shape I possibly can so that I can really enjoy my last year doing the bike race.... It's time to REALLY focus on ME....
And that way, when the memories, sadness, and grief come again next New Year's and the typical Christmas Hell breaks loose, I'll have that jar full of happiness to open...
Yep.... LATER!
Replies
Your journal caught my eye.. cause I was on the Project Zero blog, which is connected to a list keeping site, which you would like.. and saw the Memory Jar. They are on Facebook.. you can do whatever you want, but this premise is that you put a happy or good memory on a note, colorful ones are nice, not daily, but when it happens.. and then at any time or at the end of the year, you can read them and see that you did have good things in your life for a time frame. Check out Project Zero!
I am glad to see you are doing better.. what a hard time for you! I was going to post the Project Zero on Over20.. today, but not in the mood. How fateful I found it this a.m. and then your journal caught my eye.. things happen for a reason. Happy New Year..
Here... http://dayzeroproject.tumblr.com/ there is a link to day zero.. I got the name wrong. A group of women I know on line use day zero to set goals and keep them..