A Good Counseling Session

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 – 11:20 A.M.   The birthday party at my sister's house went nicely on Sunday. Everyone seemed to get along well with one another, the food was good, and even the children did not bother me too much.   On the downside (if one looks at it that way), my sister seemed to set me up for a talk with her two children and their spouses. I was asked how my health was, and when I tried brushing that off with saying okay, they would not accept that for an answer.   My niece, Kathy, specifically asked me how many medical problems I was having. I am not sure why they asked since my sister has apparently been keeping them informed of everything that is happening to me. I told them how my physical therapy had been stopped, and the fact that I was still having back pain. I said that I had been helped by traction therapy and pool therapy, and that the pool therapy had been stopped primarily because no one had been able to find a pool that I could use away from the clinic. I also told how I seemed to be having a UTI almost every month, but that I was going to talk with my doctor about going to see a urologist. I said that my hearing aids were not working right, but I had talked with my audiologist about having them repaired.   Several questions were directed my way, and I feel that I handled each of them well. My nephew finally told me that they intended to help me with my problems, which I took to mean financially. I do not intend to accept that kind of help from them.   Yesterday my brother and I went through a counseling session at my mental health clinic. We were joined by my therapist and my psychologist.   Unknown to me, my brother had brought along three e-mails I sent to him since our last counseling session. He read excerpts from each of them to all of us. His concern was that in the e-mails, he had asked me various questions to which I had never given an answer.   He spoke of our childhoods, during which there were times when he saw me being abused, but was unable to do anything to stop it. It was very apparent that he felt guilty about that. (At one point, he started to break down, and a box of tissues was quickly passed to him.)   My brother also said that he had felt badly about the fact that I was disabled, and he had wanted to talk to me about it, but said that I would only talk to him on one or two occasions.   He said he now knew that there were times I felt abandoned, and rejected, by him. He said that was never his intention.   My therapist asked me to tell my brother how I felt about him throughout the years. I said that I had been proud of him. I said I was proud of what he had accomplished during his lifetime, and that I loved him. He seemed genuinely surprised by this. My psychologist asked him how he felt by what I said. Rather than answering her, he attempted to change the subject to something else. That did not work because my psychologist kept bringing him back to her question at least three times.   My brother looked at me and jokingly asked, "Is she always such a bully?" I replied that she was only like that with me when I avoided answering one of her questions.   He finally admitted that he had heard what I said about loving him. Frankly, I cannot remember what he said after that. At one point, he said that he was not sure if I knew what he did when he was working. My therapist asked me if I knew, and I rattled off a list of most of the things for which I knew were entailed in his job. My brother said that I was correct on all of them with but one exception. He seemed surprised that I knew as much about his work as I did.   My brother said that he was glad I had suggested, and initiated, our counseling sessions, because he was getting a lot out of them. He said he was willing to continue with them as long as I needed to do so.   He told my therapist that I had been to his house a few weeks ago, and that until that time he had not realized that it had been almost six years since I had last been there.   Before the meeting ended, we both made a commitment to try to get together at least once or twice a month (probably at my apartment) to discuss things between the two of us, as a means of improving our relationship.   All in all, I would say our session went quite well yesterday.   I just received an e-mail from my brother this morning. He offered to come see me this Saturday, and to go with me to a store that specializes in selling telephones for people who are hard of hearing. (He is a little late since I have already ordered a phone.) He also said that he could stop by here on February 19 so that we could talk for a while.   Although I do not quite feel as though I am ready for all of this, I also do not want to stop whatever progress is being made.