a gathering of thoughts
therapy session tomorrow afternoon. it has been almost a month since i spoke with her last, and yowsers do i need her ear! rough couple of weeks for me since i as suspicious of hubby's behaviors lately and have ramped up the detachment. I think that i have realized really, for the first time, that detachment is for ME and not a tool to reinforce wanted behaviors from my AH. If he notices my attitude and responds positively, well that is just a (temporary) bonus. I also cannot handle his self pity invalid attitude especially since he is doing so well, but REALLY every doctor visit reduces him to an annoying tranquilized crybaby.
On a more positive marital note i must include here that my mother broke her hip and my father has been staying with us......and my 2 sisters and i have been conditioned to rip each other's throats out when "mommy and daddy" have a crisis. having my dad with us has been very difficult!!!!! at the end of one week i felt like i wasn't worthy of this small space i occupy in the universe. My husband has really been there for me. taking care of my dad, keeping him engaged in conversation, driving him to the hospital to see my mom, shopping for his fav foods etc. and reminding me constantly that i am NOT the person my parents try to convince me i am.. but come on!!!!!! kicking my puppy????? who the f*** is this man?
then, the favorite daughter, the "savior" flies in to fix everything for 4 days, tells us what to do, then flies away back to rich woman paradise and leaves us to deal with the realities of the situation
Gratitude Portion Of Journal (i will try to include this from now on) 1. i love my little pup being with her reminds me to just enjoy the moment. 2. i have recommitted to detachment as a way to achieve MY OWN sense of serenity, AH's issues and anxieties are his own to suffer in. he knows where to find me if he wants appropriate attention/support 3. my parent's current health issues have made me revisit my upbringing and how it has affected my sense of self, i am learning boundaries here also. and working on staying true to myself in the midst of the negativity.
Immediate Gratification Note: going to a labyrinth walk tonight, awesome friends, lovely site, spiritually uplifting. Ohm.
On a more positive marital note i must include here that my mother broke her hip and my father has been staying with us......and my 2 sisters and i have been conditioned to rip each other's throats out when "mommy and daddy" have a crisis. having my dad with us has been very difficult!!!!! at the end of one week i felt like i wasn't worthy of this small space i occupy in the universe. My husband has really been there for me. taking care of my dad, keeping him engaged in conversation, driving him to the hospital to see my mom, shopping for his fav foods etc. and reminding me constantly that i am NOT the person my parents try to convince me i am.. but come on!!!!!! kicking my puppy????? who the f*** is this man?
then, the favorite daughter, the "savior" flies in to fix everything for 4 days, tells us what to do, then flies away back to rich woman paradise and leaves us to deal with the realities of the situation
Gratitude Portion Of Journal (i will try to include this from now on) 1. i love my little pup being with her reminds me to just enjoy the moment. 2. i have recommitted to detachment as a way to achieve MY OWN sense of serenity, AH's issues and anxieties are his own to suffer in. he knows where to find me if he wants appropriate attention/support 3. my parent's current health issues have made me revisit my upbringing and how it has affected my sense of self, i am learning boundaries here also. and working on staying true to myself in the midst of the negativity.
Immediate Gratification Note: going to a labyrinth walk tonight, awesome friends, lovely site, spiritually uplifting. Ohm.
Replies
Despite all the stress, I would say you are growing ;) (in my expert opinion of course) Hang in there!!