a friend from SG

TY for the response. I tend to get overly dramatic about the inane things. It is a new way about me that I dislike very much but also can recognize as a defense mechanism about the true reality of my situation. They have tried to control me and this has worked regarding the site. But unfortunately I do not have the time nor the resources to begin therapy as I have many other happenings in my life that take precedent and are frankly more important. I do take an antidepressant and in fact I believe it was the change from one to another that caused the suicidal impression I was displaying at the beginning of the month. However, no one cared to ask until now. I was switched from Prozac, which I have been on for years to Wellbutrin (which was definitely not interacting well then on the first week of Dec I was started on Viibryd, this seems to be helping tremendously but there was a few weeks where I could feel its change. Now I seem to have leveled out and will continue this medication unless side effect occur. As for their actual perception of my decisions it really is a null point because I would no sooner listen and obey a stranger than I would let my abuser hit me one more time. I do agree with them regarding my housing and therapy but I will not be controlled by any one person EVER again. So SG, Ana Leigh, Fulin and James can inflate their heads all they want. KARMA is what it is. I am struggling to let go of SG site as I had other friend there but even they have proven to only care as far as this point. You are they only one emailing me and I truly appreciate this. I will not harass or abuse this friendly gesture. I understand you are very ill and the nurse in me bluntly wants to ask you what exactly is your condition? The person in me says that is rude but my nurse has always held the largest part of me. I can't wait to begin school again. While this move into the "devils den" may not be working, it has given me an opportunity to grow and in the next few years I pray to become a registered nurse. This will do so much for my soul as it is my dream and love to help others. I have been an LPN for 15 years and never have I worked with an ill person and not wanted too. In fact this is my true issue with my current home environment. One that has held great honor, remorse, guilt and humanity. Parkinson's Disease is an awful way for a human to die. Then the issues with his wife losing her husband of 41 years ever so slowly. My intention was to come in like a knight and make this huge difference. My intention remains true but the reality is that there is very little one can do in this home. I have made sure my son and his nana (wife) are in therapy, I have been popaws advocate with medical knowledge that his wife was lacking. I have returned to school and made myself very proud with a 4.0 average BUT I have forgotten to take care of me first. This is my breaking point. My family (mother, sister and older son) all feel that it is time to revert back to who counts most which is my immediate family (me and my four yr old). So much guilt and remorse has been circling my head as I was trying to figure out how to continue school, return to work and move out on my own. I have had to accept that I am not leaving humanity by leaving popaw to die without me but increasing my strength three fold by accepting what I can't change and changing what I can. My son does need me healthy and whole. There have been many moments that I had to choose between him and popaw. He is much to young to understand illness and he should not have to be burdened at this young age so as his mother it is my responsibility to remove him from this environment and be able to give him my sole attention when we are at home. The toll is too great a price to pay for the mental and physical health of my child. He already has many obstacles that he will endure from his father's abuse. So long winded I'm sorry, that's where SG helped but I hope I am OK writing this to you. I am not seeking advice nor attempting to weigh you down with my issues. I am simply writing and as long as you are willing and it is not hurtful I can honestly say this is very helpful to be able to share. Do not though allow me to encumber you with my issues, please speak up. To finish this book. LOL.  It was my family that told me it was time to pull it back and move on. So these next weeks will be very busy. I am trying for low income housing and also applying to two different nursing schools because this school here is not a guarantee and I can't lower myself again in the future. This is my chance, my time and opportunity to become a RN but more importantly it is a stepping stone to growing stronger from the recent betrayal, deceit, mental, physical and sexual abuse I have endured. I'm not out of the woods and still unfortunately may never be safe from him, I still am working with the parole board and district attorney, and am involved in a victim program. I wear many hats but I see and feel myself merging back into the person I used to be and those hats are melding into one. Therapy at this point will only succeed to break apart all I have built. I know at some point it will be most helpful but what they nor anyone doesn't realize is that I am not free yet. I still get threats and have valid fears for my life. BUT I have two years before this will become my reality. I have to do all I can to stabilize my life and that of my baby during this time. Losing SG will not help me but in the end they do not matter. 
Sorry this new medication is not going to work, you know the nurse is "yelling" what medication. Research, research, research.  Laughing.... Please hold strong and fight however you need and please feel free to share yourself with me, I can listen and will never try to change or judge you.