A forgotten plea...
Thumbin thru my old poems and letters to the editor...Most of which I never submittedI found this leterWhat are we to DO?I have a question that I'd like to ask the People of these United States of America. Why is it that no cares enough to get involved in Life? You had better make that several questions. Why are you throwing away your childrenand their future? What have you don to create a better world for our children to live in? Have you taught them to do the same for their children? The answer to the last question is a Yes. We, have created a world where if the problem is to hard, run from it. if you forget it , it will go away. Well I will not go away,it is very hard for me to face the World everyday. If I fail again I may want to give up. There must be several hounsand of people that have been thrown away because they were abused and unprotected as children. What kind of hope is there for a person who is condemned as a child to live a live of always being accused of being wrong. We were taught that it is our fault, that we are the ones tht are wrong. If we bringit up now we are accused of living in the Past. Now we have grown into Adults. We are expected to provide for our selves and those around us.If one of us loses control we are un-fit parents. I really feel for those who have not gained control over the violence past on to the abused person. It makes me sad and angry when no one wants to hear,or talk about the problems faced by people like myself. The longer we turn our backs to the problem the larger it grows. As a child I cam from a broken home. I neve knew who was at fault. I was born in 1953, and lived the first six years of my life with my non abusive father. Then there was this big angry woman. My mom I never knew, I still remember that day in court. My grandmother that I'd never seen before, promised that I'd always have a home if my mom got custody of us boys. Given the tempory custody for the summer my mom and her mother. Wrote my dad, and told him my bother and I didn't want to come back home to live with him. Because my dad was dirt poor and could not afford to come to Texas and get us. I spent the next eight years of my life being beat violantly daily, cussed and neglected . As I was such a bad child. It was always my fault, look what I made here do. These weren't spankings, these left bloody marks on my back, scars on my head, ears with ruptured ear drums. There was very little effort to control the abusive behavior of my grandmother. My hands swell and ache from blocking the blows of a broom handle or hoe handle. Broken fingers never healed right cause I was not taken to a doctor. Futhermore,they believed that it was all my fault. Even today at the age of 80. My grandmother , who adopted me at the age of 16. Tells me what a roughten little boy I was and that I never did amount to anything in her eyes. I am a total failure. Now at the age of 37. I have reached the peak of my life. I know that I am the product of my past. I know that I cannot hold down steday employment, no matter how hard I try I fail to meet the expectations of people that don't and won't understand the problems I face. I spend everyday of my life in pain. I have a hard time dealing with my self esteem, and emotional problems Although I don't abuse my children, I know that I am quite capable of the asme things my parents did to me. I have no support form anyone except those suffering from my disabilities. How do you tell a 14,13, 11, and a two week old baby. To suffer from the lack of things they need because our system wouldn't help me and won't help them. How do we face this future. I wrote this letter to the editor in 1990. I never submitted it cause I was afraid that my grandmother and mom, and the rest of that family would be upset I aired our dirty laundry. Mainly cause I didn't believe anyone would care...What are we to do... russWe lived on 90 dollars a week and 125 dollars in food stamps. We recieved no afdc for our children cause we were the natural parents of our children. I recieved no medical care bacause my spouse made over three hundred dollara a month. I begged food and help to pay the utilites bills. I did odd jobs, and begged some more. We kept a roof over our heads, and survived one day at a time.All my so called friends abandoned me. My spouse became unfaithful, and hateful.my kids and family was dysfunctional to the worse degree.But we all made it thru.. it was ruff. the road was long and dark at times. but we all survived.... reflecting on the past makes me grateful that our creator does not abandon us ever.... russ
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