A FEW GOOD MEN.......
I am learning here that there are some good men out there. They do have the same wants, needs and desires (for the most part) as we women do. We all seem to have a basic need to be loved, wanted, needed and accepted.
Before this, I had more contact with the "old school guys". These were the ones who would come home from work, drink their beer and prop their feet up while the wife comes home, cares for him and the kids (being saddled with everythng from dinner to baths and homework to yard work ... because he worked hard all day.)
I never had any children, but my stbx is definitely "old school". He ( and many men in my family )seem to be under the assumption that once the vows are taken and the ring is on the finger we are to continue on til death do us part (when our sentence is up) That no matter what kind of treatment, we said we would do this. When I heard from several men that a good healthy relationship should be the two of you working together (and striving to keep the spark and passion alive) I did almost faint.
My only regret is that I never did come across any of you out here in the real world. I do thank you though for showing me (or telling me) that there are some of you still out there.
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I do also realize that the men I came across did not start out that way. They (like all of us) do repeat old patterns. If that is what they learn, that is what they believe to be "normal" And, as much as i do complain about stbx....I do have to give him credit. His father did cheat on his mom and he actually had 2 families at one time. As a result, hubby would never ever cheat because he saw firsthand what that did to him and his mom. It is unfortunate that he would never learn to listen to what i was trying to tell him, even more unfortunate that it would take me so long to learn to speak up for myself..
One of my favorite motivational speakers was a man named Lewis Timberlake. He is now dead, but 30 years ago I had the chance to have a small dinner party with him and others I worked with, which was others at Arthur Andersen & Co. The one thing he said, both on his daily national radio programs and at that dinner, I will always remember and believe holds true. When asked about what drives all of us in our human behavior, Lewis said this: "There are two things that drive all human behavior. 1. To love and be loved, 2 To feel worthwhile. " Although simple and maybe trite, it stands the test of time. No matter what any of us go through, I believe our drive will be in both of these areas for our lives.
I certainly agree that it takes intentional effort from both people to make a marriage fulfilling. Last time I checked, there were no legal mandates that men and women have certain roles.
Those two hold very true for me and I would believe you are right as far as for others. If only we could all be lucky enough to find them both.
I grew up in such a household. My late "father" was abusive, emotionally and sexually. The man I married was the same, But my baby boy is the opposite. He cleans, cooks and even changed the baby's diaper. Whenever he goes shopping, he takes my granddaughter with him. My daughter in law works from the house. He saw first hand the devastation it can cause when one partner is not in the marriage. There are good men out there, just as scared and lonely as women. We really have to step back and look at each one as an individual. Not lump them all together.