A few days after

For the past couple of days, my moods have been all over the place.  Feeling tense and shaky.  I seem to wake up every two hours and pace.  I can feel my heart beating faster then normal.  Yesterday was the first day I felt calm.  I still woke up every couple of hours but the tenseness was less.  When to the Doctors today to have a basic exam.  I have to have some more tests for the blood in my urine and heart beat.  I also have to do one thing but I rather not say what is.  Also, I have noticed that I want people around me or have heavy conversations. I tend to feel more at ease and less tense.  In 5 years, I've really developed a need for petting.  The human touch is so nice.  It was her touch that made it all feel better.  I hate myself for what I put her though.  But that is all in the past now.  What I do now matters. I can't wait for that day when all of this is in the past.