A Down-To-Earth Conversation

Tuesday, June 23, 2009 - 2:20 PM When I saw Dale, my mental health therapist, yesterday, a stranger who overheard our conversation might have thought we were having a disagreement of some kind. He would have been inaccurate.   Dale asked me how I had been feeling. I said that I had been "pretty depressed." He looked at me and asked, "Pretty depressed or very depressed?" I thought about my answer for a few seconds, and then said, "Very depressed."   I was asked to rate my depression on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being low and 10 being high. I said that I did not like these types of games, but would give him an answer, which was a seven. Dale said it meant that my depression was really a nine because most people tended to rate the way they really felt at least two points lower than was the actual case.   He neglected to ask me whether I felt suicidal, but had he done so, I would have said no. I suspect that answer would have been a partial truth and lie, because I had been thinking about death on and off throughout the past month. I now seem to be past that stage, so I no longer feel suicidal.   Dale asked me if I had been having any thoughts about using drugs. I told him that I had been having several of them, and added that it had been hard dealing with my thoughts. I told him that I had been having some very bad cravings for drugs.   He told me that they had some group classes he could get me into if I needed to do that. I declined his offer thinking to myself that I had been through most of the classes, so what was the use of going through them again. I have managed to stay clean for a year and a half, and I do not intend to let that go down the drain no matter what it takes.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks for sharing this, Jim. I think there is a big difference between craving and using. Same with suicide. I think about it too but I know I will never act on those thoughts.

I wish you didn\'t have the cravings but I hope they are also reminders of just how far you come. I brag about you often to people I know who suffer from addictions.

Dale is really good. It\'s so nice to have someone who \'gets it\' better than yourself, hey?

Do you think maybe the groups would be a way to meet friends, which is something you wrote about recently? You can always change your mind. You could go for the companionship only and just daydream while they tell you all the things you already know. ((((Hugs))))
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sam\'s last paragraph.

Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
JimK
JimK

I think that the main concern with my joining the groups is that it would mean I would not be able to continue seeing Dale at the same time. At this point in my life, I feel that Dale is an invaluable source in working on my depression. On the other hand, if the craving for drugs gets worse, I will reconsider my position on this.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sounds good Jim...... You\'re able to be flexible, which is a new thing for you I think. You don\'t seem like you have to have things carved in stone as much as you used to.

w h a m
CoolGal
CoolGal

Hugs always-Stephanie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yep, it does sound good.

I like the good connection you have with Dale.
Months ago, I wondered if Dale was hearing you.
He is now.
The thinking about death is such a downer, but it does come part and parcel with major chronic depression. Cheez...what a predicament for us all.
I think craving drugs when you are struggling with depressed thoughts and feelings sure is an unsavory and unfortunate part of the struggle with addictions.
I would expect to have times like that, if I was in your situation.

I still think you are doing a very good job.
I know you do not see it sometimes, but you have a lot of personal inner strength.
Keep moving forward, Jim.
We are right behind you.