A Diagnosis It's Fibro

On 12/31 I went to the rheumatologist and had a visit where I was told that I should eat better, exercise, lose weight.  I was given a physical exam of pressure points, which I knew would happen even though it is not the most accurate or anything, so I gave what I needed to.  Truth is, I hurt in all quadrants at different times and right now I'm suffering from so much pain physically and emotional/mental/spiritual anguish that it's not too surprising that I would be having physical symptoms of some kind.  I was told to get blood work done to rule out Lupus and Celiac Disease.On 1/6 I got a call from my PCP saying they had received results from my blood work.  My Vitamin D is still low (DAMN IT) and my Creatine Phosphokinase Test was high, though I did not get a numerical value.  Crap.  I should call back and get that exact number.  I fell down between Christmas and New Year's Eve and bruised up my left knee, my right arm and shoulder, and so forth.  It is not surprising to me that my body is trying to heal.1/9 I called the rheumatologist and of course had to leave a message telling them to call me and tell me my blood work results.  hours later the MA calls back and says I'm negative on the tests and that my CPK test was high.  (Thanks, I knew that days ago!!)  So, I now have fibromyalgia officially.  But of course hubby doesn't want to think it's Fibro.  He's wanting to blame it on my high CPK from the statins that I stopped taking MONTHS AND MONTHS ago.  No, darling.  It does not correlate. If only.I stopped Gabapentin on 12/31 so I could start Lyrica ASAP.  But now I get to wait for how long to get a ruling if the insurance will cover Lyrica?  WTF is that about???  I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.  I had a panic attack/extreme emotional distress when bringing my son home from school. He kept unlatching the seatbelt.  He has autism and is 4 and doesn't UNDERSTAND the issue of safety. He was just getting attention and making me pull over and stop the car, get out, re-latch the seatbelt.  I started bawling, telling him that I just want him to be safe.  I know that I do not have thousands of problems and I do push a lot of the financial stuff onto my husband, but what I know in my logical intelligent mind and what my grated raw nerves can tolerate are two completely different things.  I've been a bitch from hell lately. How do I fill my broken cup?  People keep putting more things into it, expectations upon me that I cannot fulfill.  It would be easier if I had a broken leg or been in a bad car accident because my illness would not be invisible. If I had other painful disorders then I could get pain medication but for some reason nerve pain isn't real enough? So I wonder if my ability to handle trauma silently, from the time I was a child and onward, turned into depression and overeating and continued seemingly to be okay -- I got good grades, I didn't drink or do drugs, I was pleasant.  Has in fact turned itself against me, because those traumas and subsequent life stressors have made me so unable to handle the slightest pain, sometimes a touch, the sunlight... I know I have to find a way to find myself again.  My mother's final 5 months and death chewed me up and spit me out. My pregnancy was difficult. My dad was sick. He died a year after my mom.  At 18 months of age, I was worried my son had autism.  I was right. I've been through too much BS in the past 5 years.  I went through lots more of it in my growing up and being married. I'm so fed up with being in pain and not having the strength to give my children and husband the love and affection, not to mention the homemaking duties, that they deserve.  I've been writing this update for a few hours now, so I'll stop.  My hands hurt. My back hurts. Not the way it hurts if I had a C-section, but even my belly hurts.  I feel swollen. And if one more person tells me they know how I feel because of pain, I will find a way to injure them.  Someone with MS, RA, Fibromyalgia, and other chronic pain diseases is not bitching about bumping their elbow.  This is something I had no idea about -- and I've had chronic migraines since adolescence!!!I've considered going the medical MJ route, too.  I didn't talk to the doctor about it, but I'm sure there is someone in my state who would give me one and there are legal dispensaries.  I want to be able to rest, to relax, to let my shoulders un-tense.
dea