A depressing day
Today has been a let down for me. I feel depressed and almost suicidal. And I dont know where the hurt is coming from. I know that I did drink 2 beers last night. And I haven't taken my meds in about 3 days and I've been over-loaded by the kids. And i could only pay $200 of my $398 light bill and I was kid-free Saturday afternoon until this afternoon{almost 24 hours}. But I still do not know why I feel depressed and suicidal. I just do not know what this pain is that I'm feeling. Do I feel outraged, neglected, used, abused, selfish, hurtful, overwhelmed, over-confident, confused, heartbroken, like a failure. I just cant put my finger on it. Sometimes when I feel this way, I end up trying to do myself in. Someone please give me some advice, before I end up doing something stupid and either kill myself or attempting to...No matter what I still wont put another stupid cancer-stick in my mouth........................ But that should be the least of my worries right now. I think I'll go to the laughter room and try to find something to laugh about. Maybe take my mind off my thoughts. Because if I don't I'll go and do something stupid with the lidocaine I have and all the meds. Bye for right now, I'll talk to you soon. Off I go to the L ROOM.
Replies
Quick, go get some laughs. You must return sometime and explain the L room? Post to the board BEFORE you reach for the weappons, ok?
Hi Jeanne...My heart goes out to you...You have many feelings that sound soooo very painful.....I would hope that you call your mental health provider...and make an appointment....please...for yourself....
Your family needs you Jeanne....especially the children.....I hear you have problems...but what would the kids do without you....I would hope that you get yourself to someone/somewheere that can help you do what you have to do for yourself...and them...do you have a church you can talk with someone?...you have been thru so much this past year..and some spiritual guidance might be helpful as well....I am really worried about you.....Please do not hurt yourself....please find someone that can help you professionally....you are worth it....and the children do need you....Keep us posted...we care....debbe
Hi Jeanne, I think I sort of know how awful you are feeling. I did ya one better. I FORGOT to pay the light bill last week, THEY FORGOT to leave a 2 day notice and we were just existing and SHAZAM, no power. The house turned into an oven fast while I was trying to phone the company desperately trying to find out when they would reconnect, AFTER I paid the bill, of course. They didn\'t return for over FIVE hours. Daughter and son got the littles out to the theatre; children can get ill in that sort of heat fast. SO, I stayed in the stifling house, waiting. Then it seems I pay one bill and another comes to take its place.
Also, I had my medication adjusted several days ago and I just haven\'t felt \'right,\' weak, weird, in pain. Don\'t underestimate how much medicinal changes can cause a disturbance, like depression, or worse, even suicidal thoughts. Hang on Sweetheart; this feeling WILL pass!! Do you think you need to talk w. your MD about going off the meds and the feelings you\'ve been having. Are they anti-depressants? If so, you really cannot just quit them without severe problems. They require a gradual tapering off of.
Don\'t you dare give up! You are a strong lady who has already proven to be a survivor and then some.
We love you Jeanne. Please keep us posted.
*Want a little humor? You can\'t check out. Then you won\'t get to read Ann Rule\'s new book in November.
Be gentle on yourself. I know about the message you were sent by someone in the Laughter Club, and it was unnecessarily harsh and uncalled for. You\'re going through a lot right now. Make a list in your mind or on paper of the most pressing things you are dealing with right now, and from that list, take care of the most urgent, then give yourself a little breathing time before going to the next thing on your list. You put a lot of yourself into life, and while you will encounter some difficulties from time to time, they will pass, and you will get a lot out of life in return. We appreciate your contributions to the Laughter Club and the Able Disabled Group - and by the way, if you ever need anyone to talk to, check the Resources topic in the Able Disabled Group and you will find some toll-free numbers of people you can talk to, people who can lend a listening ear and help you sort it all out and get it back to the way you want it to be. You are stronger and capable of more than you might know right now. Take a moment to breath and close your eyes, and your strength will re-emerge just as surely as the sun rises with each new day.
I am sorry to hear of your depression, and very worried to hear u thinking suicidal thoughts.. Please seek help, before doing anything drastic.. You are a wonderful bright, intelligent, and beautiful woman... Do not stay down for long... I am here for you, as you have always been for me.. Scares me to read this... Give yourself some Grace.. And yes, please go to the laughter room.. There is so much to be thankful for... I am thankful for you... Hugs...