A Day Off?

After 5 days of DS and 4 journal entries, I was pretty pooped and thought I'd take the day off and hang out with my dog, Sparky, and just relax.  But, little did I realize that grief does not take a day off.  Grief has no concept of time, nor does it care if you are tired or if you would just like to hang out.  So I popped in and out of the DS site while I watched the re-run of the Glenn Beck "Restoring Honor" rally on my computer.  My emotions were all over the charts as a result.  Watching a half a million Americans gathered on the Capitol Mall in the name of God, reaffirming their faith in Him was exhulting and quite inspiring.  What joy those people were experiencing.  Then I would pause the video, and come here to DS, why, I am not too sure.  Maybe it was because I needed to be with my friends here, yet I really didn't do a lot of reaching out for help OR butting into anybody else's grief either.  I sent a hug or two, a couple rays of sunshine, and that was about it.  But I wasn't nearly as miserable as I have been, and I guess that's a good thing.  The reality is that I think I sort of denied my feelings of emptiness for a time while I tried to do the stuff I used to enjoy doing when on line.  I like to blog and I get pretty politically engaged, but I really couldn't get into it much, even though I tried.  But I did get to see the rally and I did enjoy the experience.  I wished that my situation were different and that I could have been there, but it isn't, so I am here and not there.  What I learned is that I am where I need to be at this time and at this point in my life.  I don't need to hurry my grief, as I have the luxury of time, thanks to my son in law and my daughter providing me with a home and a place to recover from the awfulness that I have experienced watching my wife and my life deteriorate into nothingness.  I do realize how blessed I am when I read of so many others who have no choice but to go to work and provide for what is left of their families while they try so very hard to cope with their own personal agony.  I have taken up reading some daily Bible readings and devotionals and I think it may have a somewhat calming effect on me.  Anyway, there is no "day off" from grief, that much I know.  Other than that, I don't know much of anything.  But I am willing to learn...........

Replies

doyew
doyew

You are right - no days off for quite sometime. It will get better, though. Thank heaven - it\'s better for me at the 2 yr. anniv. (Thursday) than it was a year ago.

That was quite a rally in Washington. My niece from here (central MS) rode a bus that started out in New Orleans and went to the rally. She\'s in the Republican Women and all sorts of gung-ho groups. I\'m sure she enjoyed her trip. Many people are fired up about this . I\'m inclined to be a slug when it comes to politics; try to ignore all of it when possible.

Joe, I\'m glad you are reading Bible readings and devotionals; this will help you in your journey through grief.
Blessings,
Doye
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Joe, I know exactly what you mean. You don\'t get a day off from this, nothing makes it go away. Only the help we give each other and the comfort we can offer to each other. I wish you peace tonight and tomorrow. God Bless.
OnMyOwn2010
OnMyOwn2010

I pop in & out on here as well...sometimes I think it\'s because I need a reminder that I\'m NOT alone in my grief, that there ARE others who understand all too well what I\'m going through...just having that connection gives me some comfort & encouragement...I encourage you to continue reading God\'s Word and the devotionals; I find that both are a wonderful source of comfort, peace, encouragement & hope...and they have a calming effect on my spirit and my emotions...Prayers & Hugs, ~E~ in TX
Joely
Joely

Joe, you are so right, grief does not take a day off. Thank goodness though, there will be some days where it isn\'t quite so horrible. Even days where you will smile, at least for a minute.

It takes TIME to reach a plateau,and you may stay a little while before hitting the valley again, but, when you do reach a mountain top, the peace is wonderful.
rene4ever
rene4ever

Joe,
This grief is a real roller coaster ride. No days off and no escapes save for a few hours here and there. The rally was inspiring and the Bible reading is very comforting to me.
Prayers
Dave
Lininsocal
Lininsocal

Joe,
DS has become my morning spot, friends to have my coffee with. It brings me company and comfort. From the postings of others I sometimes get inspiration, some I read and know that I don\'t want to follow their path. There are postings that bring a freshness to the pain I have, which in time has eased, and I realize that I have made progress in this journey.
DS has been a lifeline for me. You are not alone with the friends you have made here and the understanding and comfort they offer.
Peace,
Linda
deleted_user
deleted_user

Joe,
This journey (or roller coaster ride) does seem to take forever and the \"grief monster\" ,as I like to think of it, is always right around the corner........waiting to pounce when you least expect it. I have just passed the seven month mark and it is a little better and a little easier........at least some days. I can and do really smile once in a while and I can laugh without feeling guilty and yes I have had fun at times. I will miss my beloved until my last breath but I can see that in a distant future there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now I just wish I could know how long it will be before I will reach that light.
I, too, watched the rally. It comforts me that in these uncertain times our country is beginning to move back toward God and His teachings. I hope we will continue in that direction.
Hugs, Dianne
inmemoryofhattie
inmemoryofhattie

In my life grief has been a roller coaster. The times I haven\'t been able to grieve, have been frozen, numb have in their own way been worse than the fall on the floor weeping unconsolably times, which are awful, but apparently necessary.

And with each loss and each grieving, there has been some progress into life.

With you in thought and hope....
deleted_user
deleted_user

Joe,
You are doing a wonderful job working through your grief, it is a full time job in itself and you are right there is no day off or getting away from it. I am glad that you are finding some peace in the Bible readings and that your daughter and son-in-law have taken you in. Hope to chat soon~fishermansgirl
deleted_user
deleted_user

Grieving does take it\'s own time with each of us. It is still so soon for you and I admire that you are trying to do things you used to enjoy, and thinking through how it makes you feel. It took me so long to even try - everything felt so numb and surreal.
In the early days, I was on DS many times a day, sometimes just reading, kinda like making sure your friends are around if you need to talk. They always were :-).
Your hope is inspiring. Keep doing what you are doing.
Susan