A Day I WIll Not Forget

When I joined DS one of the goals that I set was to break the umbilical cord and seperate from my animals for at least short periods. My elderly King Charles Cavalier has been one constant over the past thirteen years and we have been through a lot together. Before moving here I could always leave him at home in the care of one of my children. My daughter will still mind the dogs but if we want to go away together it is a problem. So yesterday I took the dogs to the boarding kennels. I was a bit stunned when I discovered, as the day progressed, that it is not my small dog who has the biggest issue. It is me. They cling because they know I need them.  I went and had my hair done, had a pedicure and the usual beauty treatments. But then, when I came back home I became agitated and when I rang and heard how hot it had been over there became even more restless.  Eventually I calmed and when my daughter spoke to me she urged me not to pick them up early. I thought to myself that since she is not here she would not know what i did but then I realised that she was right. It was me that had to become more independent. Originally I was supposed to go to do some work at a rural school. Part of my problem was that I had come home and the animals were not here. I considered going somewhere but nothing appealed. Visions of sitting alone in a motel, alone at a dining table, did nothing for me. Walking along the beach, by myself, seemed like a downright silly idea. Then I opened my mail this morning and the friend who had dispensed advice about replenishing myself was tapping on my chamber door again. She lives in the States but had let her fingers do the walking and found a monastery, within an hour of here, that I could visit.  I am not a particularly religious person but I have always viewed orders as places that, amongst other things, provide sanctuary for lost souls,so I threw my things in the car and drove to this Greek Orthodox monastery for women. Going to the Greek Orthodox Monastery is something I will not forget any time soon. It was not particularly easy to find but I seemed to be guided there. I was very aware that Darryl was with me today and we talked as I drove and he told me how he is now a sort of swirling energy source, a part of the swirls that we see in the universe and I could come to grips with this notion. I laughed and said that as an ether he must feel very powerful, able to be with me one moment, with our children at another.  Upon arriving I learned that the monastery is closed most of the time, only open to the public sometimes. Clearly I was meant to go there today.  As I arrived a bus load of Greek pilgrims were leaving. Sister Natalia was at the gate fare welling them. She greeted me and realized it was me who had rung earlier. The sister was puzzled when she learned I was neither Greek Orthodox or Greek but, realizing I had come of need ushered me in.  She obviously sought permission and then took me up to their chapel. The place was serene and adorned with wonderful icons of the mother and child. I felt calmed. Sister Natalia gave generously of her time and, recognizing my pain, provided comfort. She heard and stood with me. You cannot really ask for much more than this. A part of me would have liked to join the order on the spot but I am wise enough to know that this is not an answer either. I wandered into nearby Geelong and let the car direct me. I headed towards coastal Portarlington but decided against staying overnight. Instead I took myself to a five star seafood restaurant and had lunch overlooking Geelong's busy harbour.   Then I drove home, knowing that this is my home now. By the time I got back here I was exhausted and needed to lie down. I am glad I didn't stay in an unfamiliar environment, by myself. In some way I had to go to come back and know that my energies really do need to be directed towards establishing roots here. I cannot say I have any specific magical answer but it has been a day I will not forget in a hurry. Now to settle to living here alone, with my companion animals and friends who do choose to come and visit. Tomorrow will be another day.  Meanwhile! A goal is almost complete and that is something I can feel proud of.