A Christmas message from my son

I have been feeling very sad lately because it's holiday time and because my dearest friend just passed away very suddenly from painful bone cancer.  Sandi was my "listening" friend to whom I could say anything and she would just listen.  She would NOT let me stay in my pity party for too long always "loving me" back to the world of the living.  I will miss her terribly. Today began like many others...I was reading the newspaper while having my coffee.  My dogs were surrounding me and I was trying to focus on my blessings as opposed to the opposite.  My horoscope in the paper said I'd get a communication from far away... I was upstairs gathering materials (photos, cards, t-shirts) for making Max's memory quilt and I went into the bottom drawer of a little-used dresser.  There, I found a letter to me with no date on it from Max.  Here is what the letter says:"Dear Mom,Merry Christmas!  Nothing for me is getter than the three days between our party and Christmas day.  Just being with the family and our friends is something that I now recognize as special.  I feel like a lot has happened these last two years, lots of highs and of course lots of lows.  Things have changed for everybody, the move, new shcools, new friends, but in my mind, for the most part things have been going OK.  I mean we all have our health, you and Dad both have your jobs, I'm still in school and out of any legal probles, and Alex i(Max's sister) is, well Alex!  What I mean by this Mom is that I really feel like things are going to work out for me in life.  I feel like I know myself well enough now that I can see when I'm getting in trouble and for the most part I've been able to pull out of it.  I get angry and I say many things but you should know I love all of your very much like I know you will always love me.  It's also clear that we disagree on lots of things and I just hope that that will never come between the love we all share.  Well, can't wait for the party.  Merry, merry and a happy New Year!  Lots of Love, Max" Well, I burst into hysterics and was shaking like a leaf.  I remember when I received the letter several years ago but had not thought of it since.  What strikes me is that my husband and I have been really struggling with the thought of Christmas.  Our family, like many, used to love this holiday and its many traditions.  It was all about family.  Which is probably why we are not up to celebrating it yet.  This will be our second Christmas since Max died.  Our daughter Alex returns home from college next week and she does not understand how we can feel the way we do - especially since Max loved Christmas so much.  And then I find this letter from Max just at this time when the holiday is approaching and I wonder what I am supposed to do?  Should I ignore my feelings of wanting to avoid the holiday?  Should I pretend to feel what I am not feeling?  WHY in God's name would I come upon this letter NOW?  Is it a reminder from Max to get on with my life?  I am so lost.  So sad.  I don't know what to do.