A Busy Week

Friday, January 16, 2009 – 2:20 P.M.  This seems to be more like a weekly journal, rather than a daily one, but I have been unusually busy these past few days.   One week ago, I saw my psychiatrist in order to get some new medicine. He asked if I was taking the medicine as I should, and I said yes. Of course, that was not exactly the truth on my part. He told me that on the way out I should make another appointment for two months. I had been somewhat stressed out that week, so I somehow managed overlook doing that, and accidentally passed the receptionist without making another appointment. It looks like I will have to do that by phone in the next week or two.   I saw my doctor on Monday, which was a good thing because my home healthcare nurse had seen me earlier in the morning, and she and made some mistakes that were causing me to have a lot of pain by the time I did see my doctor. He managed to get things cleared up for me, and then asked when I was going to try and get another home healthcare agency. I said that I was working on it. He said he would have his social worker start working with me.   On Monday night, I was unable to get any sleep at all. By the time the next morning rolled around, I was barely able to keep my eyes open. Because of that, I wound up canceling my physical therapy appointment.   I saw my psychologist on Wednesday afternoon. My ride got me there half an hour early, and the person my psychologist was supposed to see before me, failed to show up, which meant that I was able to get an extra half hour of counseling. We talked about a number of things that had been happening during the previous week. Following that, she reminded me that I had said something last week about needing to talk with her concerning the sexual abuse that I have had in the past. That was the kind of nudge I needed in order to get me talking about that.   Most of the conversation centered on the girl who used to help me when I lived in Virginia. I still do not understand why we talked about her, because she did not abuse me, either physically or sexually. We spoke about how she came into my life, the type of relationship we had, and how I somehow managed to fall in love with her. This person got me started on using drugs. We ran out of time for much more discussion, but I am sure we will pick up where we left off when I see her next week.   Yesterday morning I went to see my physical therapist. I will only be seeing her one more time before she quits working with me. That is not by my choice. Both she and my doctor seem to feel that if she did not stop working with me soon, Medicare would put an end to it. She did say that if I am still having problems after two or three months, I could be referred back to her again. She also told me that they are using their pool again, but I know it will not help me now since I am not going back after next Tuesday. My sister wants me to consider seeing a chiropractor, or a massage therapist. Before I can do that, I am going to have to find out whether either one accepts Medicare and Medicaid.   Since I will no longer be getting physical therapy after next week, I am going to have some extra time on my hands. I am going to have to figure out some other way in which to use two days each week.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow! You HAVE been busy...

Hugs and Mojo!
Weebs
deleted_user
deleted_user

Glad you\'re ok. many hugs-Stephanie
deleted_user
deleted_user

Jim,

How about you ask your brother to pay for chiropractic or massage care? I think he\'d likely feel needed if he could contribute to your well being. I find massage to be wonderful. I\'m trying to nudge you here - I know you have a hard time getting your needs met because of trust. But you deserve to get this. Plus, it might make your life better. Sometimes you gotta work around the red tape.

I still find that physical therapist hard to read. She\'s confusing.

I guess you needed to talk about that girl that broke your heart. My thoughts are that she did abuse you because she got you hooked on drugs. Maybe the psychologist is trying to point you in that direction? Sometimes it\'s not the abuses that are the hard part to cope with. Sometimes it\'s regular life that is really hard to cope with. Heartbreak is one of the worst feelings, no? I sure think so. Ugh.

I hope that talking about it is lifting some of the pain. Us humans are weird that way.

Hugs and More Mojo.
deleted_user
deleted_user

seems you have alot going on right now, keep your head above the water!! I hate heart ache, I really need to talk about mine, something I have carried around 15 years, for someone who couldn\'t give a spit about me.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I thought that I had gotten past the heartbreak many years ago, but maybe I was in denial about that, just as I was in denial about using drugs. Every time I think about that girl, it is with a mixture of love and pain. I doubt that I will ever get over her.

I was happy just being around her. She helped me see life in a much brighter light. I still miss her a lot.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hope you can hang on to those feelings, Jim. Maybe the pain will dissipate and you can just be glad to have had her in your life. You seem like that sort of person - smart and emotionally aware.

If you ever want to talk about her more, you know where to do it!