A Breakthrough

2 September 2014
A lot has happened since my last Journal -- too much to fit into another single entry -- so I'm going to try to do it in segments. Here goes:
If you follow my Journals, you know that since last December, I have been making every effort to re-establish contact with my dysfunctional daughter -- sending cards for all the holidays and then with an email in early June. When I didn't hear anything from her over the next couple of weeks, I sent another email asking if she had received it.
Well, she responded --  just ONE DAY before I left to go away for my 2-week trip to West Virginia and Ohio -- and it was so upsetting to me, I had to put it out of my mind for the next couple of weeks.
Two weeks after arriving back home, I responded to it -- pretty much line-by-line. I told her that "the occasional email" did not constitute a relationship and that I was hopeful that we COULD get to a better place in our relationship. I also BROADLY HINTED that I want to resume a relationship with my twin grandkids, too. Once again, I found myself holding my breath for a response. The twins' birthday was coming up on August 24th and I didn't even know IF I sent THEM cards, if my daughter would let them have them or if she would throw them in the trash.
I was feeling pretty sad about the whole situation. I went out on the 18th and bought birthday cards for the twins. I even went so far as to send a brief email to the X to asking if there was anything he could do on my behalf in this situation. To my surprise, he responded almost immediately and said that he has been after my daughter for YEARS to put down her battle-ax and forgive herself and me for all the transgressions of the past. He also reiterated that "she is a hard-head" and said that he has told her many times that she is doing more damage to the twins than she knows by keeping me away.
After receiving that, I addressed and stamped the birthday cards and put them in the mail, but I still felt very sad and scared about the whole situation. My daughter is like a pit viper -- she will lie in wait and then strike with deadly force for no apparent reason. I sat in my reading chair and said that little prayer that I use when I get to feeling really lost:
"Heavenly Father, please send me what I need at this time."
Twenty minutes later, I decided to go online and check my email. Lo and behold! There was an email from my daughter and it was in a MUCH DIFFERENT tone than the one she sent in July. It was actually on the "chatty" side; telling me what the twins are up to and some things about my daughter's health. (She has rheumatoid arthritis and has had both hips replaced -- now she may need to have "revisions" done due to elevated ion levels in her blood.) It was actually what you would expect to read in a healthy mother-daughter relationship correspondence!
We did an email volley in which I specifically ASKED what would the kids like for their upcoming birthday and she was quick to respond with links to The Sports Authority. Typical Jeni -- she listed items that were WAY above my budget -- so I told her that I would go to the Sports Authority store the next day and purchase two gift cards for the twins that they could use TOWARD the items they wanted. She wrote back saying they would most likely get $$ for their birthday from my X and the other grandparents so that would be fine.
Whew! Big sigh of relief! I asked her to please send me birthday photos on the 24th, which she did AND she followed up the next day with First Day of High School pictures. (I have posted these in the My Photos section here).
My gift cards arrived two days after their birthday, but my dauther DID email to say they received them and they were very tickled. I hope so! She never taught them good etiquette, so I know I won't get any thank you notes or anything, but I asked her to please send me pictures when they get the things from the Sports Authority. Robbie wanted new baseball spikes and Ashley wanted some jacket. I hope she will remember to do this.
So today, I think I'm going to respond to the other things in her email, like the possibility of her upcoming surgery for "revisions" to her hip replacements, I have no idea what that will entail. She said she didn't know how she was going to fit it into her crazy life. I don't know for sure, but I have the distinct feeling that she is at least taking care of her husband's grandchildren full time. His daughter is only 21 and has already had two children out of wedlock. The last I knew of her, she was still living with her mother, but her mother is a bona fide nutcase with a drinking problem so it's hard to say. Don't really want to know. Not my problem.
To all of you who wrote to encourage me to keep after my daughter, thank you! It is very, very difficult to stick my neck out with her because (like the true Narcissist) I'm never sure when she is going to turn around and attack me. But I have never given up HOPE. I remain hopeful for the future and am going to let my daughter know that I would LOVE to come up and see the kids before the snow flies.
 xoxo to all