A breakthrough..........
It has been a long time in coming, but I finally have been able to step outside of myself and begin doing some of the things that Dick and I have always done together. It has been hard for me to even think about this because doing things by myself makes losing him so much more real. I have always been my own person while at the same time being part of him and I have never been one to bury my head in the sand and not live, but doing familiar things on my own is consciously admitting that my life has changed radically...... it makes his being gone much more real. I haven’t wanted to think about this. I am at the threshold of a new stage of my life and at times I am floundering. It’s like taking a giant step into space. I am not living in the past. I am savoring our good memories and I want to keep my promise to Dick that I will continue on with life even though he can’t physically be with me. Even though I am surrounded by caring people.....family, entended family and friends.....there are times when I feel so alone. It makes me angry at myself when I start feeling down. I have had invitations from family members in distant states and I am only now at a point where I can even begin thinking about accepting. Our youngest nephew (my brother’s son) in Edmonton, Alberta has been reminding me in email after email that we don’t know about tomorrow; all we have is now. Dick and I have always known this and have lived life to the fullest, but I have apparently been needing a BIG-time reminder. My brother has four sons.....the oldest teaches at a university in Cairo.....the next to the oldest lives in Calgary ~3 hours from Edmonton.....the third oldest and his wife and two kidlets live and work in Oman.....and the youngest is going to school and living at home.......and they all planned to meet in Edmonton. I haven’t seen the guys in several years. It took a lot of soul searching, but I somehow mustered up the courage to think seriously about meeting them. I am just back from spending a week with all of them. I didn’t think I could do it. I am so glad that I went. I missed our “fuzzy, four-footed children” something awful, but they all (toy poodle and 4 kitties) did well at our Vet’s during the time I was gone. I’ve taken the first step......and I know that Dick is happy that I did.
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