A Bereaved Parents Wish List

A friend shared with us recently something a friend had shared with her... I felt like so many things on that list came from my heart and yet not exactly... anyway the friend who shared the list has indicated that she didn't want us to copy and share her friends list... so I decided to share only a few things in my own words that are from my wish list... The lady who wrote the original list called it A Bereaved Parent's Wish List and I think that name covers it very well so I didn't change it... I wish my child hadn’t died.  I wish I could have her back.  I wish this so often...  I have to be honest and say that although I can't help but wish this every day... I don't believe Cara wants to come back... She told me she loved me but she couldn't say she was sad or that she missed me... She said it was wonderful where she is...  It hurts in a way that she said she wasn't sad and that she doesn't miss me... but Cara understands things I don't... I think maybe she's not sad and she doesn't miss us because her spirit is forever alive and here all the time if she wants to be... some times I think she might even go off to do other things...  because she knows she can return she is free to live on the other side of the veil...  I'm glad she's doing good... more than anything I'm so glad for that... I wish people would speak my child’s name and not act like they are nervous when I speak her name. My child lived and was/is very important to me.  When people avoid speaking about Cara or shy away from me speaking about her its almost like she dies again and again...  You can't do that you know... She's going to live for me every day I'm alive... every breath I take... and I'm not apologizing for that... I am so glad Cara is my daughter....  Once again I feel her here... reading over my shoulder... and I'm so glad to be able to tell you and my baby girl how much I love her.... I wish you wouldn't think you hurt me when you speak of my child.  You give my child back to me.  I can see her... I can almost hear and touch her.... smell her fragrance....  Speaking of her isn't what hurts me.  The death of my child's earthly being makes me sad.  Its hard to learn to accept that she's as much or more present in my life than before... I want to touch her, to hold her, to hear her voice...   If I cry and you simply say its ok I'm here for you... its what I need most...  a bit of understanding... someone who cares enough to share for just a bit my beautiful child...   Don't avoid me like you think losing a child is contagious.  There is no data to support such a superstion.  Actually I don't think people do avoid us because they think its contagious... but its almost as if they think we choose to be sad and they want to "punish' us.... Actually if you can't get over that I think I would rather you avoid me because I don't have much patience with stupidity or meanness.... I wish people would understand I am different... and its permanent...   When Cara died, a big part of me died.  I have even gained some compassion and understanding I would otherwise never have known... I would give it all up in a heartbeat to have her back again... Yes I am selfish... I want her back... but since its not to be... I'm grateful that I believe she is doing well.    I wish you could understand... but then again... I pray you never understand.