I made it
I cannot believe it. I am overwhelmed with joy. I have achieved a goal. I take things simply now. I understood how to take things simply and how to be kind. I now understand how to be kind to people and now I have realized how I can take things slowly as well. I can now slow down. It is unbelievable the pace at which I think when I am nervous and anxious. I realized that and I think at a very high pace and I lose the details when this happens. I am going to slow down from now on. At least now I understand how that looks like. It is a good moment for me to understand that.
I had a good day today. It was productive but it was also difficult. I woke up affected by the meds I have been taking and also by some of the thoughts that have been creeping into my mind. I have been thinking so hard about suicidality. Even if it is not in my conscience. I believe that it has been occupying a pace in my mind. It is ok to be thinking this way.
I went to watch Iron Man 2 in the movie theatre with my cousin and then we had a cup of coffee and we talked it was a good and fun talk.
I am going to jot down whatever comes to mind:
- I feel that I am a failure in making my own money. I have been depending on other people for it and I do not understand how to make my own money. I have a feeling that I have been let down by my dad and I was not given the chance to make money in a timely manner. I mean that I am already 26 and I believe that I am too old to learn the ropes when it comes to money. I believe that I have been severly disabled to make any money. The time has passed for me to catch up on it and maybe I needed some energy to put into it to learn how to make moeny and that time has passed. I just feel a lot of guilt for not making money. Maybe it is not my fault that I didn't make any money. Maybe it is the things around me that affected me this way. It is very bad. I feel so guilty about it. I don't understand why.
- I am glad that I am writing now. It gives me some solace to write. I put the words in front of me instead of my head. Thinking creates a lot of clutter in my mind. I don't need that. My mind is like a garbage bin that keeps on emptying its dump. I feel that my mind is not working anymore the proper way and all it spews out is rubbish. It would be good to toss out my mind. I don't need it anymore.
I had a good day today. It was productive but it was also difficult. I woke up affected by the meds I have been taking and also by some of the thoughts that have been creeping into my mind. I have been thinking so hard about suicidality. Even if it is not in my conscience. I believe that it has been occupying a pace in my mind. It is ok to be thinking this way.
I went to watch Iron Man 2 in the movie theatre with my cousin and then we had a cup of coffee and we talked it was a good and fun talk.
I am going to jot down whatever comes to mind:
- I feel that I am a failure in making my own money. I have been depending on other people for it and I do not understand how to make my own money. I have a feeling that I have been let down by my dad and I was not given the chance to make money in a timely manner. I mean that I am already 26 and I believe that I am too old to learn the ropes when it comes to money. I believe that I have been severly disabled to make any money. The time has passed for me to catch up on it and maybe I needed some energy to put into it to learn how to make moeny and that time has passed. I just feel a lot of guilt for not making money. Maybe it is not my fault that I didn't make any money. Maybe it is the things around me that affected me this way. It is very bad. I feel so guilty about it. I don't understand why.
- I am glad that I am writing now. It gives me some solace to write. I put the words in front of me instead of my head. Thinking creates a lot of clutter in my mind. I don't need that. My mind is like a garbage bin that keeps on emptying its dump. I feel that my mind is not working anymore the proper way and all it spews out is rubbish. It would be good to toss out my mind. I don't need it anymore.
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