i cant deal with this no more i cant even cope  with my job anymore.thats the one thing in my life ive been able to keep a tiny bit of control over for the last three years,ok so it was rocky at first,i had to change from day shifts to night because my agoraphobia is crippling during the day.but atleast i could cope with going out at night a little  and was ok in my job.i work three nights a week in a nursing home its five minutes away from my home,ive worked there since i was sixteen.thats nine years for heaven sake,so why six weeks  ago BAM shear terror hits me like a tidal wave out of nowhere?ive tried several times since then to go back to work,but everytime i just become in such a state of panic that i end up getting sent home.its not fair on my co-workers and its definately not fair on the residents to have me working there like that.i hate what this illness does to you,it eventually ruins everything you have in your life,it eats away at you like some rotten,seeping,infection.and its never happy til its taken everything from you.your relationships,your social life,work,family,friends.ive had this in my life for fourteen years now,which i know is nothing compared to some people.but i thought i had some kind of lead on it,had it securely on the reighns so to speak and now its come crashing back.ive tried so many prescription meds,phychiatrists,herbal remedies,cbt and breathing exercises,i dont think i have the energy in me to fight it anymore.