Why

I felt like I had made so much progress then today it hit me so hard.  It came out of nowhere and it is here to stay.  I don't know what trigger this feel but it hurts so much.  I want to scream but I am afraid of scaring my kids.  I am afraid they will call 911 thinking that I am losing it.  Hey it might be the truth.  I have developed a headache from all of this pain that is inside of me.  I don't know if I am coming to the realization that Carlos is gone and he will never be back.  I wonder if the denial phase is going away and now I am coming to terms with the fact that my husband is gone and will never be back with me.  i am coming to terms that I am here alone with Carlos and I will never have the love that I once had.  I will never love again or be loved like Carlos loved me.  I am alone in this world without my soulmate.  I hate this feeling of lonliness and emptiness that has taken me over.  I understand that God did what was in the best interest of Carlos but what about me?  I know this sounds selfish but that is the way I feel right now.  I feel cheated, robbed of my dreams and hapiness.  Will I ever see life like I used to before?  Will I be able to be happy again?  How do I find the will to continue living?  Where do I get the energy that I once had?  Life is not the same without Carlos.  I am really having a hard day.   

Replies

annihilated
annihilated

Hopefully you got some rest and are feeling a little better this morning. I will be praying for you whilst you sleep. Hope you have a brighter day, love and hugs!
Catkin
Catkin

It does sound like a tough day. All too familiar. There are no simple answers. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I have learned to savor the good days and accept the misery of the bad ones. Be gentle with yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Awww,.. i am so sorry,.. we are all here for you, and feel the same way,.. we want our old life back, but thats not gonna happen, we must put our best foot forward, even one day at a time,. an hour at a time, if needed,.. im glad you have your kids with you,.. i know they depend on you, and you depend on them, my kids are older, and i hardly even see them, the loneliness, is overwhelming , at times,. like now, i cant sleep, up at 130, in the morning,.. thinking of all hte memories , we had in this house,.. the quietness, is defting,.. i dont hear a thing, so there must be nothin,.. just me and zues, and my memories,.. of my past life,.. crazy, huh,... thinking of you, and wishing you , just a little slice of peace, from that, you can build,.. i am hoping, your friend, Dave
deleted_user
deleted_user

I just cant find words to comfort you, Linda. Hope you will find some peace soon........Pray to the Almighty, He will restore the confidence in you to move on...Carlos is with Him........try to accept it and slowly move on, Linda. No matter how difficult it is...we have to let go and I believe you will...Take care. Hugs, Dane
deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m sorry you\'re feeling so bad. It\'s normal to have these meltdowns (to give it a name). I don\'t know if we will ever be able to feel as happy as before. I don\'t think so, but I believe that in time we will find somw kind of peace so that life will not hurt as badly. I hope you start feeling better soon. Hugs from Sil