Today

Today like everyday I am so very sad....while we are separated but in the same house it does me no good to have him here.  I miss my best friend and have no other place to go.  I have no family or friends here and he's walking around like nothing bothers him.  My whole life is going to change and he has someone fall back on and I have no one.  I cannot even look at him on a good day, never mind a bad one.  I look at my children and see how hard it will be.  I have so much on my plate...looking for employment now, looking for a place to live, looking for a good school, trying to get benefits....I feel SO ALONE and I  can't even stand myself anymore.  I can't stand this feeling and part of me wishes he died because at least I know where I stand with that.  I will never find anyone that made me feel like he did...why did he have to do this to me and our family instead of talking to me that he was so unhappy.  Now the pressure is on me, like always and yet again.