Today
Today like everyday I am so very sad....while we are separated but in the same house it does me no good to have him here. I miss my best friend and have no other place to go. I have no family or friends here and he's walking around like nothing bothers him. My whole life is going to change and he has someone fall back on and I have no one. I cannot even look at him on a good day, never mind a bad one. I look at my children and see how hard it will be. I have so much on my plate...looking for employment now, looking for a place to live, looking for a good school, trying to get benefits....I feel SO ALONE and I can't even stand myself anymore. I can't stand this feeling and part of me wishes he died because at least I know where I stand with that. I will never find anyone that made me feel like he did...why did he have to do this to me and our family instead of talking to me that he was so unhappy. Now the pressure is on me, like always and yet again.
Replies
Oh llmt\'s, I\'m so sorry you have to be here. I know how much this breaks your heart and crushes your spirit. Honey, as bad as everything is at this time it is time that will heal and help you in every way. Sweetheart I was married 37 yrs, was married at the age of 16 and divorced at the age of 51. I don\'t have an education, like you I wondered how in Gods name I would ever survive on my own. Now, 3 yrs later I have moved ahead, first little steps, then one step at a time, one day at a time and eventually by strides. Honey, you will come to see that someone that can destroy the love of a wife and a family is not worthy of your heart. If at all possible get counselling, try to find a lawyer, your husband will have to help you by contributing to expenses for his children etc. I\'m always here if you\'d like to chat, answer questions, just anything I can help you with, or just listen. Take care llmt\'s, keep your head up, walk tall don\'t let him take more of you then he already has.
Love to you and your children
Lorie
Lorie said it all so well....I will just add that I found in the beginning of my separation that my mind would play tricks on me and I could only remember the \"idealized\" version of my former husband- and his complete disregard for the pain I was in just seemed to reinforce my mind\'s perception that somehow I was \"unworthy\"... but over time (and some serious effort)- I began to acknowledge that my ex was not so perfect- and in fact, did some pretty terrible things in our marriage. Like you, my husband cheated- and truly, doesn\'t it show a complete lack of character to go outside of the marriage when the going gets tough- rather than put the effort into improving your relationship with your spouse? It\'s easy to point the finger inward and say that of course we are to blame- but really- a marriage is built on a foundation of trust, mutual respect and love- our husbands chose to crack that foundation. I know it is a long, hard journey- but I promise that in time, you will begin to envision a happy future- it will look different than you had dreamed it would- but you will make new dreams and you will find peace and happiness again. Sending you huge hugs! Karen
One step at a time. First, get yourself a good attorney (don\'t let him know you\'re doing this). I know you feel overwhelmed but this is just the beginning. Second, find a good counselor to help you deal with your grief and anger.
You can do this. Many have survived separation and divorce. Hugs!
I am currently living in the same house with my STBX wife. I can sympathize with how that sucks watching them float around like nothing is wrong. Over time, I\'ve learned to keep the focus off of her and onto myself and my son. It\'s a big cliche, but saying are cliches because they are generally true......time will help heal this wound.
Definitely find yourself an attorney ASAP.
I know it feels like you\'ve been knocked down and can\'t get back up, but really, there is no other choice. We must get up and we must keep fighting.
Take care and prayers for your 6 year old at AI Dupont.....
It\'s got to be terrible living with him under the same roof. Just curious...whose idea was that? Was that supposedly for the boys\' sake. I think you should stay in the house, and kick his ass out! You can at least then cry when you need to cry, and he better know how devastating this is. Also in your own privacy, you can contact all the folks you need to do in privacy: lawyer, counselor, etc.
Not sure what state you reside in, but in most states you can get emergency child support until the divorce is finalized, which means while he\'s out of the house. You need to check on all the info. you can, with atty\'s while you can, and make the best decision for you & your boys.