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I went to the gym first thing this morning.
Then this afternoon I had a candy bar for a snack, then this evening my housemates were having burgers and there were lots of left over desserts . . . so I chose to use today instead of tomorrow as my no calorie counting day.
I had a panic attack this evening. I was thinking about my younger siblings. I realized they do not 'look up' to me anymore - we are at eye-level. All except the two youngest. Suddenly I saw images of 6, 7, 8 year old faces from years gone by gazing up at me, chin lifted in the air. My babies. No, not mine. Almost mine. I am their sister, not their mother. And now I see them 2-3 times a month, not every single day. I miss them.
Then this afternoon I had a candy bar for a snack, then this evening my housemates were having burgers and there were lots of left over desserts . . . so I chose to use today instead of tomorrow as my no calorie counting day.
I had a panic attack this evening. I was thinking about my younger siblings. I realized they do not 'look up' to me anymore - we are at eye-level. All except the two youngest. Suddenly I saw images of 6, 7, 8 year old faces from years gone by gazing up at me, chin lifted in the air. My babies. No, not mine. Almost mine. I am their sister, not their mother. And now I see them 2-3 times a month, not every single day. I miss them.
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