Update
Hello everyone. It's been a long time. I've finally decided it's time to write an update cause I'm miserable and I need to.
Ok, so there is good news and bad news. I'm not really sure what to start with..... maybe I'll go with good news first. More bad news than good, so it'll be easier to start with the good. Won't be so long.
Ok, so my good news first. I have a girlfriend! Yay! Took me long enough, but I finally had a girl say yes. Her name is Sara. She is beautiful and wonderful and when I'm with her, she completes me. But there is a little problem. She lives about an hour flight from me. It is a little hard sometimes, cause I wish she was closer, but not much I can do about that. I've gotten to hang out with her a few times, which is really nice. One thing that is really nice is that she took my virginity. I am finally no longer a virgin. It was amazing. I'm not going to go into details though. That's about all of the good news. Onto the bad news.
So bad news now. I've really started to fall apart. I've had some more breakdowns recently, and I'm feeling down more. I think that's a bi-product of getting to spend time with Sara and then not being able to. Little things are bugging me too. It's getting hard on me. I broke down a week ago with my mom talking to me. She thought I should go get help. I agree, but I can't do it. I have a problem asking for help. I can say, 'I need help', but I won't ask for it. I don't really know what to do anymore. And to make things harder, Sara doesn't think I need help because I'm always happy around her, which is true. I just don't know anymore. I want to get help, but I don't know if I'm ready too. Feel free to add your opinion if you read this. Doubt anyone will..... Oh yeah, one more thing. I've had a couple suicidal thoughts recently. Actually two days before my mom confronted me. I was driving and it was late and some lady was coming on a side street towards me and it looked like she wasn't going to stop. She finally did, but my first thought was 'why can't you just cut around and hit me?' I feel bad about it, cause I really don't want to die. I might if things don't work out with Sara and me, but things are looking really good so far. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. I'm really hoping it all works out.
Well I guess that is about it. Quiet an update. I hope this helps. If anyone reads this and has any questions, message me or send me a hug.
PS One more thing I almost forgot, I'm looking at trying out for the Kelowna Rockets of the WHL. That is two steps below the NHL, so we'll just have to wait and see.
Ok, so there is good news and bad news. I'm not really sure what to start with..... maybe I'll go with good news first. More bad news than good, so it'll be easier to start with the good. Won't be so long.
Ok, so my good news first. I have a girlfriend! Yay! Took me long enough, but I finally had a girl say yes. Her name is Sara. She is beautiful and wonderful and when I'm with her, she completes me. But there is a little problem. She lives about an hour flight from me. It is a little hard sometimes, cause I wish she was closer, but not much I can do about that. I've gotten to hang out with her a few times, which is really nice. One thing that is really nice is that she took my virginity. I am finally no longer a virgin. It was amazing. I'm not going to go into details though. That's about all of the good news. Onto the bad news.
So bad news now. I've really started to fall apart. I've had some more breakdowns recently, and I'm feeling down more. I think that's a bi-product of getting to spend time with Sara and then not being able to. Little things are bugging me too. It's getting hard on me. I broke down a week ago with my mom talking to me. She thought I should go get help. I agree, but I can't do it. I have a problem asking for help. I can say, 'I need help', but I won't ask for it. I don't really know what to do anymore. And to make things harder, Sara doesn't think I need help because I'm always happy around her, which is true. I just don't know anymore. I want to get help, but I don't know if I'm ready too. Feel free to add your opinion if you read this. Doubt anyone will..... Oh yeah, one more thing. I've had a couple suicidal thoughts recently. Actually two days before my mom confronted me. I was driving and it was late and some lady was coming on a side street towards me and it looked like she wasn't going to stop. She finally did, but my first thought was 'why can't you just cut around and hit me?' I feel bad about it, cause I really don't want to die. I might if things don't work out with Sara and me, but things are looking really good so far. We'll just have to wait and see I guess. I'm really hoping it all works out.
Well I guess that is about it. Quiet an update. I hope this helps. If anyone reads this and has any questions, message me or send me a hug.
PS One more thing I almost forgot, I'm looking at trying out for the Kelowna Rockets of the WHL. That is two steps below the NHL, so we'll just have to wait and see.
Replies
So when you and your mother say help, you mean a professional right? Because if so, you dont really have to ask them. They will eventually find out what you need, as long as your 100% honest with them.
The good news is really GOOD haha. Im a little jealous. Its great that you found someone to make you happy. Im sure it will work out for you.
Glad to have you back.
if you feel you need help then its your choice plenty of my friends have suicidal thoughs and such but they just look at the positive in life and dont go to therapy while yes therapy is better you dont have to and good for you with the whole girlfriend thing i hope this helps good luck. :)
I really wanna start from the end...because I dont want you to go through something i have witnessed....you said,\" I really don\'t want to die. I might if things don\'t work out with Sara and me.\" It\'s a clear sign that your hanging ur life on ur relationship...and believe me it\'s nothing good...I kno ur gf sounds AMAZING, and Perfect and everything...but in the end hanging ur life on her will weaken ur relationship and YOU...
about suicidal thoughts, well I used to have them in the past...and the best way to get rid of them is by ignoring them, if an idea hit you, dont think of it again, just ignore it....and try to talk to someone immediately, dont sit alone...and if u have to be alone, just try and think of something else....within a week or 2 there will be no more suicidal thoughts...because our minds are workin all the time, and we r thinkin the whole day, so try to use that for your advantage by thinkin of productive & positive thoughts...
about therapy....hmm, to tell the truth, i dont kno you that much to tell you to consult a shrink or something....but if ur mom told ya that you have to do it...then do it...mamies know best, haha. but take it easily, like try to consult a shrink instead of being a permanent patient! And make sure that ur talkin to the right doctor...lots of doctors dont kno what they r doin!
if you want an advice from a sister...the first step to feel better is to change ur mood to good \"I mean the profile\"....because what u think is what u feel...so you think that ur good then u will feel good! And boy u have a girl, so you must feel EXCELLENT...
I am SOOO HAPPY FOR YOU, finally u got what u wanted!
wish you the best of luck...
if any of what I have said made u feel better, and you dont want a pro help, \"or broken just as me haha\"...i will be sooo pleased to offer the help!
missed u brother...say hi to ur gf
Cheers!
=)