Here we go again...

So I have a new job, met new guys and just tried to make things better for me..lost weight, a lot of it, been busy at work and been going out with friends..but when I'm alone..it just suck me back to that hellhole...the anger, the memories of him being in my life..and I get so angry...really angry...and I find myself doing everything I can not to think of him... I feel so horrible, I'm like in a shitty roller coaster ride..been trying to get moving and just let the whole thing go...it feels like I'm living in a curse..why can't this just be over and just stop the memories, stop the damn thing..I ended up awake and crying the whole night for the same things and it's not fair..not fair to be stuck where I am when I struggled to get pass this... I hate him..I hate him so much...