My Aunt passed away this morning, her battle with pancreatic cancer was short, 4 months of suffering, so not fair. Everyday I watched her get sicker and sicker, not able to eat or drink, it was horrible. I don't quite understand why anyone should have to endure such pain. Spending all these days leading up to today has reminded me of those last days with my mom., just makes me miss her so much more. My cousin said to me, "I can do this, I could do this if your Mom was here to help me"... what can i say to that, she is not here anymore. what do I say to her. ? ? My Dad is so sad, it was the last of his family,  and I know that he has us.... but he is still alone. ... I don't know. the next few days are going to suck, they are going to be the hell. .. I am scared for all of us. I kknow the days willpass and things will get to that new normal, I know that. The viewing is sat and sun and funeral monday. I made all the calls to everyone my uncle and cousing wanted, called the funeral home after hospice came... my sister took her to the florist.. things went smoothly.... I am just sad and have anxiety at the same time. and that god awful headache from all the tears.... i amhoping for some sunny days, for some sort of anything.... my cousing said she had a dream, and she woke up and it all seemed clear to her.... maybe a person who has been blessed by being so happy throughout their life, maybe that's why they suffer at the end, b/c God makes our lives balance themselves, maybe she had to suffer b/c it balanced the happiness she had....   i don't know about that, how much happiness can a child have when they are diagnosed with cancer, but she seemed to have a sort of peace with that... who knows...