Well, just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it really does.... I feel like I need to try so hard to get to the end of the day just to take a deep breath and say I made it thru another day .... I have been talking to my sister who lives out of state and she has been a mess, crying, feeling out of sorts, and then I have my sister here with me in town and I keep saying, I just can't do this. I can't believe it will be a month that my mom is not here with me. A month that I haven't talked to her, hugged her, felt her, kissed her. I just miss her so much and I hurt so much more today. I can't stop crying. I saw my brother as I was leaving my fathers house and we were saying how we just can't believe it. We all were so close to her. I am 2 miles down the road, my sister lives two houses from my moms and my brother lives three houses away. Mom was an every single part of our lives. and everything is just so different. changed. and it all sucks. I want to remember all the fun and good things but all I can remember is the crap that all the docs put her thru all for nothing. I gotta go put the my boys to sleep. ... and then my nights are really long. so sorry to be such a bummer. Just a really hard day.