Today

I'm not exactly sure what happened, but after three days of having complete meltdowns I've retreated back to a state of almost unnatural calmness. I went into Jarrett's room several times today and just breathed in his lingering scent. I sat in his special spot on the carpet, which was strategically right infront of his TV. I put my fingers over the little holes he had made in the wall the nights he couldn't sleep..he would pick at the textured wall, leaving little finger indentations.. Not once did I cry..or breakdown..its so strange. I think maybe my pleading to God for strength and peace may have been temporarily answered. I looked at pictures today...I even had a flash back from the accident..seeing him as he was the moment of his death and nothing..not one tear...What is that?