First Holiday without my son. Only you my dear friends can understand what this feels like. While the country celebrates, I'm home packing up our families memories and crying for my child who will never be able to enjoy another firework display, or open another chiratmas present, plan another birthday party. I feel like I'm being ripped apart, it hurts so much, and none if my family or friends understand why I'm miserable. I am not saying I expect the people who care about us to stop living thier lives, but at least take a moment to stop and realize that this day might be difficult for us. :(
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People who haven\'t experienced this horrific loss do NOT UNDERSTAND. They think whatever they think: it\'s their failure in compassion and empathy. Don\'t make it your problem. And don\'t look too far ahead: this is a baby-step process. Handle Thanksgiving and Christmas when they are close in time. Right now you have enough to do to just get through every day. Yes it feels like you\'re being ripped apart: your heart is missing half of itself, your soul is missing its partner: once born, if we\'re decent and normal human females, that baby becomes part of our soul. That does not change. Nothing can separate us from the love for our child nor from the love our child has for us. HAS..operative word. They are \"changed\" but they are still \"here\". Don\'t expect too much from people. Even close friends might shy away or try to avoid the subject. People live in their own \"safe\" little worlds that they create because they cannot or will not see the reality of life. No one is safe. Nowhere is safe. We know this. They deny it.
WHY these horrific things happen is something we can\'t know, not now. But we have to know that the love between us and our beloved children lives on, into eternity, because that love is part of what God provides us when we are privileged to have that precious soul put into our arms. One day at a time, one step forward, one or more backward, but daily we deal with it despite the often debilitating pain. And we trust God, because we must. He isn\'t some figment of a philosophy, He is as real as you and I. And that is where our children are, in His arms.
Hugs Michelle.....sometimes....I wish the world would just stop....even if just long enough to say their names...why is that too much to ask or expect of people who say that they love or care about us? I have weeded out my true friends over the last 2 years....many have stated that they just cannot bare to see me this way...well.....I am what I am...and I can\'t change what\'s happened.....neither can you....I guess this is why I go MIA so often ....I feel that I need to never forget...someone has to keep our loved ones memory alive and although we know that other\'s still have their lives and families ...it wouldn\'t hurt them to stop and give a gentle hug and say....I know your hurting today and just wanted you to know that I too have thought about Jarrett today and I love you and am here for you.....so...my friend.....I say this to you....I too feel your pain today....your loss is so deep and Jarrett Paul Mantanona IS NOT FORGOTTEN!!!!!!!!
People just do not know the debt of our sorrow....they cannot know...and we would never want them to know. I wish that they could be exactly what you need them to be...but WE may have to be that for you...because we do understand. Take gentle care of yourself sweet one...love and hugs...Karen
Unless a person haslost a child they don\'t understand and never will. And I would not want anyone to go through the grief and emotions that we do after losing a child. A double edged sword....but I do understand and have felt the same way many times. Hugs, Ann
I know that you miss your son Jarrett so much and it hurts like no other pain in the world. Remembering the good times still hurts so bad. I\'m betting the firework displays in Heaven are much grander than the ones here on Earth. You will be with your Jarrett watching them some day. Sending love and prayers... Terry
Michelle, one of the hardest things for me to adjust to was the holidays and how the world could just go on when mine had stopped. No one could possibly understand this but us....those who have lost a child. I know how much you miss Jarrett and I hurt with you. Wishing you some comfort.....Love, Kim
These wise women above me have said it all so well. Just know that I understand and I am with you wading through the river of tears.
Love,
Leda
Holidays are the worst! It simply does not feel right that the rest of the world is going on as if everything was as it should be ~ when we know that everything is far from what it should be ~ our precious children cannot enjoy, nor can we celebrate. In the book \"The Grieving Garden ~ Living with the Death of a Child\" one father describes the feeling we get during holidays as being like a small child with our noses pressed up to the window pane of a candy shop, watching everyone inside laughing and having a wonderful time, while all we can do is long but not being able to enter.
I do offer this word of hope ~ holidays, like everything else, do get somewhat easier ~ you may find yourself changing the old family traditions, perhaps even ignoring holidays if that feels right to you, but the pain will soften somewhat.
I am right here with you, sending much love and big, tight hugs ~ Debbie